Editorial Review

In Run Like a Mother, authors Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea offer both inspirational advice and practical strategies to help multitasking women make running part of their busy lives.

McDowell and Shea understand the various external and internal forces in everyday life that can unintentionally keep a wife--mother--working woman from lacing up her shoes and going for a run. Because the authors are multihyphenates themselves, Run Like a Mother is driven by their own running expertise and real-world experience in ensuring that running is part of their lives.

More than a book, Run Like a Mother is essentially a down-to-earth, encouraging conversation with the reader on all things running, with the overall goal of strengthening a woman's inner athlete.

Of course, real achievement is a healthy mix of inspiration and perspiration, which is why the authors have grounded Run Like a Mother in a host of practical tips on shoes, training, racing, nutrition, and injuries, all designed to help women balance running with their professional and personal lives. ... Read more

Reviews

An inspiring read to make you lace up the shoes
I bought this book with a lot of hope and some trepidation. I'm a lapsed runner, and my last serious race dates back to the postpartum year after my first child was born, when I was eager to show myself I still had my athletic mojo. I just had my fifth child, and ordered this book to help me get inspired again. The authors' voices are real, thankfully, and the essays are honest and accessible. The training tips are great, because they're rooted in an understanding all the things mom use as excuses NOT to run. But what got me really lacing up my shoes again was the page full of short quotes by women saying how they feel after running. Powerful. Competent. Strong. Optimistic. It was like a quadruple dose of any of those herbal mood-boosters hocked by health magazines!

So relatable, it's sick!
Since finding this book (and blog! and tweets!), I have been completely entertained and inspired and able to connect with a whole new community of runner-mamas.

This book is so utterly relatable, it is sick! Even as a newbie runner! The moments of "O-M-G! That is EXACTLY how I feel" were countless, as a mom, spouse, runner, wannabe writer and overall multi-tasking-life balancer.

The book inspired me, me made me laugh out loud causing my fellow commuter train riders to stop and stare (As soon as I would snort, I would hold up the book so everyone would get a peek...long enough for them to write down the title and and go buy it themselves!)

This is my go-to book for prezzies for my runner mama friends and has saved the day with some much needed inspiration after the oh-let-it-be-over ugly runs.

I savored every chapter like a rich ooey-gooey chocolately dessert and was thrilled to find more even more witty (and oh so true!) writing online through the blog runlikeamotherbook.com.

Seriously, check it out, you won't be disappointed.

I'm not a mother, but could still relate
I bought this book after hearing about it from several people. As my title says, I'm not a mother, but I could relate to most of the book.

I found the writing very easy to follow--as if it were a conversation--and refreshing. I laughed out loud at some things and it gave me that little "umph" to get back to my running. I felt like I got to know Dimity and Sarah, just by following along in their journeys.

I would definitely recommend this to others.

For Female Athletes Everywhere
Run Like a Mother feels like one of those conversations you have with a friend on a long run. It's a book that all female athletes can relate to, regardless of motherhood status or running experience. However, for those of us who both run marathons and mother small children, it's an especially relatable book. At times it's part memoir--telling of Sarah's and Dimity's journeys as runners and marathoners (including a few race reports!), and other times it's more like a helpful training manual--giving advice on running gear, nutrition, and staging a post-pregnancy comeback. You won't find a 16-week marathon training plan in here, but you'll emerge from this book knowing what worked and didn't work for Sarah and Dimity as they trained. As a running coach, I liked the technical talk about running 8 X 400 meters and other training-specific tidbits. But as a mother and a fellow female athlete, I think I most enjoyed the deeply personal revelations about body image, weight, marriage, and mothering. I loved the personal essay format. By the end of the book, you'll feel like you have two new friends: Sarah Bowen Shea and Dimity McDowell.

Inspiring and laugh out loud entertaining
I'm a mother of two and a fairly competitive runner (with myself). I love this book. The writers are honest and get right down to what is real. And this is what makes some of the excerpts laugh out loud funny. I so relate! But likewise, it is very honest about how difficult it is to run and be a strong runner while balancing kids and family. I read it an excerpt at night night for inspiration for the next day. It sounds corny, but I do. After having D, I know how hard it is to keep the fitness up. So many days I'd rather sit and hold the baby and be at home. But running makes me feel real, at peace and clean. I know this, but I also need the push. The pull, at times, is strong to stay home with the "kidlets." So thanks gals!

Clothing tips, stories about racing, training, just everyday runs and how to pull yourself out of bed to get out on the road. Pregnancy and running, recovering from giving birth and beginning to run again and all that is involved in that. Right on and inspirational! The quotes and facts from regular runners make me feel part of a great club of women who push each other and support one another in our every day struggles to make the run happen. Totally inspiring. Sarah and Dimity know runners! And I totally feel a closer bond to all the mommy runners out there. I'm going to buy this book for all my mommy running friends.

I just bought the book for my friend who is off to Boston in a week and am giving it to so she can indulge on her plane ride there. She has two kids, 5 and 3 and worked her butt off to get to Boston.

A Must Read
I purchased this book when I was training to walk/run my first half marathon in my life. As I am not a runner per se I was skeptical about how much this book would pertain to me. I was pleasantly suprised. The book is well written and truly is a must read for anyone who is a ruuner or thinking about becoming a runner. The book is entertaining, informative and fun. It also would make a great gift for a runner in your life.

Run Like A Mother Will Give You The Strength For Motherhood
I love running. I especially love running as a mom. It is my "me" time, my recharge time and one of the few things that is just for me. I so enjoyed every bit of this book from the humor to the tips. I love any book that inspires moms to take care of themselves and to realize that they can run, will love to run and deserve to run!

Thank you Sarah and Dimity for giving a shout out to Stroller Strides!

Read like a runner
A friend of mine recommended this book to me as a new runner, and she was right! It's motivational and informative. I read part of it while on an airplane and it was all I could do not to run up and down the aisle! A great read for all running mothers!

Great book for lady runners
This one's for the ladies. The ones who like to move and move fast. It's called Run Like a Mother: How to Get Moving and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity by Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea. It all started with two women who had just had children, trying to get back into running shape. They decided to pitch an article to Runner's World about their journey. That whole experience with them trying to balance family, work, and running lead them to write this book.

There is a lot of great advice in here for runners of all ages, but it is geared toward time crunched mothers who have to consider their families in their decisions. They give advice on nutrition, racing, finding motivation, and managing children and husbands. Their insight is both humorous and helpful. This is a great read for women athletes who can relate to the authors' experiences and find inspiration in their successes.

Absolute greatness
This book was absolutely wonderful. I have really enjoyed reading it and saddened by finishing the final chapter. The words of Sarah and Dimty really stayed with me - during runs, during my wanting to not run. I am buying this as gifts for all my running mother friends. I laughed out loud and found myself saying "thank you" for touching on all subjects that us mothers want to ask, but are afraid to. Loved it!!!! ... Read more

Editorial Review

Jeannette Walls grew up with parents whose ideals and stubborn nonconformity were both their curse and their salvation. Rex and Rose Mary Walls had four children. In the beginning, they lived like nomads, moving among Southwest desert towns, camping in the mountains. Rex was a charismatic, brilliant man who, when sober, captured his children's imagination, teaching them physics, geology, and above all, how to embrace life fearlessly. Rose Mary, who painted and wrote and couldn't stand the responsibility of providing for her family, called herself an "excitement addict." Cooking a meal that would be consumed in fifteen minutes had no appeal when she could make a painting that might last forever.

Later, when the money ran out, or the romance of the wandering life faded, the Walls retreated to the dismal West Virginia mining town -- and the family -- Rex Walls had done everything he could to escape. He drank. He stole the grocery money and disappeared for days. As the dysfunction of the family escalated, Jeannette and her brother and sisters had to fend for themselves, supporting one another as they weathered their parents' betrayals and, finally, found the resources and will to leave home.

What is so astonishing about Jeannette Walls is not just that she had the guts and tenacity and intelligence to get out, but that she describes her parents with such deep affection and generosity. Hers is a story of triumph against all odds, but also a tender, moving tale of unconditional love in a family that despite its profound flaws gave her the fiery determination to carve out a successful life on her own terms.

For two decades, Jeannette Walls hid her roots. Now she tells her own story. A regular contributor to MSNBC.com, she lives in New York and Long Island and is married to the writer John Taylor. ... Read more

Reviews

True to Life Account, November 13, 2005
I grew up in Welch, WV and was acquainted with Jeanette and Brian(Lori was older and Maureen was younger). I can attest that her harrowing account of growing up with an alcoholic father and mentally ill mother in the coalfields of WV was as she says. This was a compelling read, all the more so, because it was about people and places I knew so well. As I read, I was filled with sorrow and shame because I was one of those people who didn't want to have close association with them because they were so different from me. I try to asuage my guilt by telling myself I saw things from a child's maturity level. I wish I could apologize and find myself wondering what would have happened if I had befriended Jeanette. She could have enriched my like tremendously. For those of you who doubt things could not have happened like it was written, don't. I knew it and I saw it, and to a degree, lived it. And as tragic as it was, it was true.

WHAT A COURAGEOUS MEMOIR - - BRAVO!, February 27, 2005
First, "The Glass Castle" is a real page turner - - I couldn't put it down and finished it in about four hours - - a record for me!

It's probably the most thoughtful and sensitive memoir I can ever remember reading - - told with such grace, kindness and fabulous sense of humor.

It's probably the best account ever written of a dysfunctional family -- and it must have taken Walls so much courage to put pen to paper and recount the details of her rather bizarre childhood - - which although it's like none other and is so dramatic - - any reader will relate to it. Readers will find bits and pieces of their own parents in Rex and Rose Mary Walls.

Her journey across the country, ending up in a poor mining town in West Virginia and then finally in New York City, is a fascinating tale of survival.

Her zest for life, even when eating margarine and sugar and bundled in a cardboard box with sweaters, coats and huddling with her pets, is unbelievably beautiful - - and motivating.

If I could give a book ten stars, it would be "The Glass Castle."

Inferno to Paradiso (or close enough), December 14, 2005
Jeannette Wall's trek, as depicted in "Glass Castle", recalls Dante's
journey through Hell and eventual ascenscion to Paradise. The comparison may seem risibly over-dramatic, but just as Dante had to go through the experience of the Netherworlds before he could be led to Heaven, so, too, is Jeannette's eventual triumph the FRUIT of a childhood filled with poverty and, what some would call, parental neglect or even abuse.

In the opening section about Jeannette's early childhood, sort of the outer rungs of hell, we are introduced to the author's quirky family. Her father, Rex, is a brainy underachiever who cannot keep a job and has a bit of a "drinking situation".
The mother is an eccentric artist who cannot be bothered too much
by mundane tasks- you know, like cooking or cleaning the house. The children, all extremely bright, are often underfed and left to fend for themselves. However, if the parents have failings, they also have redeeming qualities. The children are immersed in an environment that values art, music, intellectual pursuits, freedom and self-sufficiency and spurns racism and all forms of bourgeois superficiality. Above all, the reader never doubts that Rex and his wife truly love the children. One gets the feeling throughout that Jeanette never doubts that either.
In any case, the early years are bittersweet. If there is squalor and hunger there is also humor and magic. Most of all, there is hope. The family frequently moves and, although that is frustrating, it also provided the background for a myth: that the next town would provide prosperity.

But then to Welch they did go! And, it is in this West Virginia town where her father grew up,the "Nation's Coal Bin", that Jeannette and the rest of the family descend into the lower regions of hell. All the problems are exacerbated. The father, having returned to the place he said he never would, drinks with abandon and applies more and more of the family's slim resources toward his habit. Jeanette resorts to scaveging trash barrels for sustenance and is humiliated for her tattered clothing. There is not water in the house for bathing and no heat in Winter. Swallowed by the appalachian mountains with only the two-lane US 52 out, you feel stuck. Even the pilgrim parents are unable to muster the strength to break the gravity of this place. With this immobility came the final destruction of the myth (that the family would move somewhere else and find prosperity) and, as a consequence, the destruction of hope. However, it is in this darkness that Jeannette finds her calling. She becomes a reporter for the "Maroon Wave", the Welch High School student newspaper. The rest of the book details how her dream to become a "high falutin" journalist led her to New York City and her current incarnation. Maybe not Paradiso, but close enough considering her formative years.

A number of components conflate to push Jeannette towards a succeful resolution. Certainly the positive legacy of her parents: culture, books, self-sufficiency, etc. But also the dire situation gave her a sense of urgency and the focus that comes with it: She had nothing to lose. She was lucky enough to have discovered early on a career path and did not have the leisure to ruminate ENDLESSLY on it.. This latter often brings self-doubts that paralyze youth. Unlike so many memoirs about unhappy childhoods, the author never plays the John Bradshaw card by irately denouncing her parents, nor does she try to facilely excuse them. Life is more complex than that and she understand that syzygys cannot be tampered with, lest you destroy the whole. You cant take eggs out of the cake.

On a personal note, I grew up in Welch, went to Welch High School and knew Jeannette (though not very well) who was two grades behind me. I have not seen her since High School. For those reviewers who expressed doubts about the authenticity of her story, I can tell you that at least the Welch part of the story rings true to my memory.

One for Your Reading List., November 27, 2006
I was grateful that the chapters are short in this disturbing memoir, because I could only take in a little at a time. It's difficult to imagine a more dysfunctional household than the one in which Walls grew up. What sets her book apart is the distinctive voice in which she narrates that dysfunction, and her growing awareness that she's entitled to a decent life.

We meet the fiesty Jeannette as a toddler, badly burned while cooking hot dogs on a stove for herself. No, she wasn't defying her mother's orders. She was simply taking care of herself in a household where both parents thumbed their noses at such simple conventions as regular meals, sound shelter, decent clothing, running hot water and protection from sexual predators. On one thing, though, they didn't scrimp: the children were taught to read at an early age. I'm convinced that held the key to their survival. Thanks to public libraries, Jeannette read the entire Laura Ingalls Wilder prairie series before she entered school. It must have helped normalize the survivalist lifestyle that her parents adopted.

The difference is that it wasn't necessary. Rex, her father, was when sober an accomplished electrician and science maven. Her mother, Rose Mary, had a college degree but found teaching, like motherhood, an imposition on her life as an artist. The three older children--Lori, Jeannette and Bryan--functioned as a family within the family. The youngest, Maureen, grew dependent on the kindess of strangers and eventually set out on her own.

This is a uniquely American story that wanders all over the landscape from California and Arizona to West Virginia and New York. Although we see the cruelty with which these neglected chilidren are treated, we also see the people who help them and their own protection of their family. As Jeannette views it, the worst possible thing would be separation from her siblings, and I'm inclined to agree with her. Certainly, this book tests my assumption that children get their values from their parents. The Walls children formed theirs in opposition to their parents' in many ways, but they also managed to hang onto the dogged independence and sense of wonder that they admired in Mom and Dad.

I hope this book will enter the list of child survival stories that in my mind includes Tobias Wolfe's "Duke of Deception" and Frank McCourt's "Angela's Ashes." Certainly I would recommend it for readers everywhere who are convinced they were deprived.

Venus Belongs to Walls, March 16, 2005
"My parents, Rose Mary and Rex Walls, and their wedding day - 1956".

There it is. A photo of a young couple, in love, flush with promise. The bride looking shy at the camera. The groom, square jawed and filled with good humor. It's stunning to think that this handsome, newly married couple, would live their lives in squalor, alcoholism and dreams. This picture is very much part of the story of Jeannette Walls and her family, as it sets the tone on the very first page of this wonderful, heartbreaking memoir.

Jeannette's sisters Lori, Maureen and brother Brian, endured a childhood that could have been torn out of the history pages citing the Great Depression. It's hard to believe that these were the 1960's and 1970's in America. Starvation, bad hygiene, and lack of personal safety was an everyday habit in the Walls home - or homes - since they moved from town to town. The kid's upbringing was almost literally, either sink or swim. Much like the wind blown Joshua Tree they saw by the side of the road during one of their family "skadaddles", the kids grew against the force, became tough, and learned survivial despite the adversities.

Both parents were incredibly bright and talented beings. Sadly, they had big schemes on which they could never follow through. Rex Walls was a mathematician who came from a squalor home in West Virginia, and Rose Mary was a prolific artist and teacher who was raised in an upper middle class family out west. What seemed to bond them was an adamant need to spurn the norms of society. This resulted in an inability to stay at the same job for long. They'd lose their homes, and inevitably shack up in their car or any broken down house they could find. This meant the children suffered. They'd constantly be uprooted, and taken out of school. With no money for everyday items, they'd find food and clothes in dumpsters. School children or other family members would abuse them, physically or sexually. Father, a raging drunk, drank up all the money they made. In one period of time, while living in a small home that could be described as a shack, the parents refused to lock their doors, which invited wanderers to come in and out during the night making the children open targets for various perversions.

All long range plans they devined would either die out or be scratched, such as the building of a glass castle in which Rex had drawn up meticulous architectual plans. The aforementioned ramshackled home they lived in came with a backyard where Rex and his kids began to dig a hole for the foundation of this little palace. Sadly, the job was left abandoned. More of a ditch than a foundation, it was ultimately turned into their own landfill when they didn't have tax money for municiple garbage removal. It's quite a metaphor for their lives - dreams left abandoned for garbage. Yet, despite all the trouble and strife, one theme remains consistant: their love for each other was strong. The family, kids especially, stood by each other through all the bad times.

The parents remained stubborn in clinging to poverty, deeming it poetic and noble, turning down any means of charity, even from their own children. For instance, when the kids had grown and found their way to Manhattan to start anew, the parents followed them, finding shelter in their cramped apartments. Despite the incessant pleas of their children to stay with them, they declined, opting to go it alone, ultimately setting up house in an abandoned building, embracing what we would call utter despair, as a one great big wonderful adventure.

The stories unfold with a pure voice, no judgement or bitterness clouds Walls' telling of her family. Each horrible, enraging moment is given a morsel of wonder, such as Rex gazing up at the stars one Christmas, and giving Jeanette the planet Venus as a present since monetary gifts were impossible. In such a remembrance, and many others told between the frighening scenes, Walls makes it clear that her folks were free souls who shared their love in strange ways.

This book will give you chills, and it will also make you think about homelessness and the unique stories these souls carry. Much praise should be given to Walls and her siblings, for having walked through fire, and coming out alive.

Courage to move forward...., March 11, 2005
Jeannette Walls is familiar as a face and voice for MSNBC.com. Her husband is writer John Taylor. Her parents were non conventional and non-conforming, and she was often left to take care for herself.

Through the book I kept looking for bitterness or residual shame just as the author often had to rummage for food in a dumpster but she is so contented and the book is her memoir of thriving and letting go of negative feelings. Her parents, Rex and Rose Mary Walls and their four children had a bizarre existence, but Jeanette is testament to survival and functional achievement regardless of what type of spoon you're born with in your mouth. The spoon in her mouth may have been plastic but she turned her life into gold.

Great memoir, July 1, 2006
The author describes her fascinating childhood in which her family moves around the country, following her father's dreams, staying ahead of law enforcement and bill collectors, and living the family's carefree attitude. While her father's dreams are what sustains the family for many years, slowly the four children become disillusioned as their father continually fails to provide all of the things he promises them. The father's inability to hold down a job and stay sober forces the family to live in destitution, and while the mother is continually writing and painting, this does not put food on the table. The four children learn to fend for themselves, take care of each other, and determine what is really important in their lives.

Quote: "As Brian and I watched, the hole for the Glass Castle's foundation slowly filled with garbage."

This was a really excellent memoir, which raised excellent questions about family, prioritization, dreams, reality, and the power of perseverance to overcome whatever challenges a person faces. The author relates her inner struggle when she wants desperately to believe in her father's big dreams, while having to scrounge in trash cans to find enough food. Although it was a bit slow in the beginning, things picked up rapidly. The book moved quickly, particularly because it is organized into short chapters. I thought the most significant portions related to the siblings holding together while they were growing up and making the most of difficult circumstances.

Wonderful Memoir, January 8, 2006
When your children complain about how they suffered, don't rely: just give them a copy of this book and tell them to come and see you when they're finished. Jeannette Walls tells her story of a childhood spent being dragged around the country as her father does the "skedaddle" to avoid creditors and while her mother refuses to face his contining slide into alcoholism and the family's ever descending circumstances. The children understand that they are living at the bottom of the food chain, often living with no heat or indoor plumbing, but are powerless to change things until one by one they graduate from high school and simply leave. This book is an absolute must read. One of my top ten of 2005. Beautifully written and compelling.

Overcoming Skedaddle, March 22, 2005
Perhaps it was a fierce intelligence that lifted Jeannette Walls out of the well of despair into which her "parents" were forever dipping her (an apt metaphor considering her first swimming lesson). I put quotes around the word parents in the last sentence because, in this riveting memoir, it is the children who do the actual parenting. Young Jeannette, eager to get to school in the morning, would frst have to drag her mother out of bed and send her off to school as well. Mom, you see, was a teacher -- a teacher who didn't care to go to work, even if it meant that her children would not eat for days on end. She was, she said, an artist. When confronted, Mom would whine, suggesting her young children find work themselves. Almost immediately, they do. Jeannette, especially, displays an unerring ambition, and the reader wants to applaud as we see her turning toward a full belief in her abilities as both parent to her parents and then as a writer, which she understands immediately will be her ticket to respectability and, possibly, riches.

During the book (I couldn't put it down for a minute), there were several times I wanted to slap both parents, intensely feeling the pure disgust the children had to hide. I imagine fear of the unknown, of being taken away and put into foster homes, made hiding that disgust imperative. Coming clean here, however, Ms. Walls brilliantly succeeds in illuminating that which makes her father and mother quite special, apart from the normal loyalty blindly afforded one's family. Both parents are obviously bright, though lacking even a glimmer of responsibility. It is clear that the children have inherited this intelligence but . . . will they survive on this alone? Can they? Every setback becomes an invitation for Dad to climb back into the bottle and for Mom, obssessed with observing and recording the world around her, to be guilted into returning to teaching, a job she hates . . . Because it's a job. The most heart-wrenching part of this book for me was, oddly enough, a scene where a young Jeannette, possessing only two pair of threadbare pants, colors her skin with matching magic markers to simulate the "patches" the family could not afford. We are talking bone-crushing poverty here. A passage where her father takes her to a bar and uses his young daughter as bait for a man he intends to beat at pool -- allowing the man to take the young girl upstairs after he's fleeced him out of $80, placed Dad beyond the pale of redemption for me. And I kept waiting for Jeannette to feel the same way. Being a streetsmart survivor who can handle anyting isn't enough. This is a child we're talking about. It's one horror after another. Yet, through the tenacity of the children and the creativity of their parents, we know they will somehow be all right. In fact, we already know at the beginning that Jeannette will do well for herself in life. This fact, however, does not stop us from rooting for these kids the whole way, binding the reader to them as they slowly break from those who would betray them, while still loving them, and find their own adult lives elsewhere (New York City), where we know they can do nothing but improve their lives.

One after another, Jeannette and her siblings move to Manhattan and, through hard work, immediately attain a measure of the domestic security that was denied them from the time they were born. Jeannette, in a section that reads almost as if she is embarrassed to be recognized for her talent and intelligence, receives an Ivy League scholarship and advances quickly in Manhattan, eventually chronicling the social lives of the rich and famous from her Park Avenue apartment. Park Avenue! What a transition from the damp, moldy confines of a broken down up-hollow shack in West Virginia.

However, Mom and Dad miss the comfort of child labor. Having only themselves to rely upon has apparently caused them to realize their limitations and dependence upon their own children. They do not intend to let their little breadwinners get fully away from them.

These characters are indelible. I did not want the book to end. In fact, I found the ending rather abrupt with several unanswered questions. What becomes of the fragile Maureen? What becomes of the land in Texas? Overall, though, this memoir is a rich, satisfying read and a testament to the spirit people like Jeannette Walls and her siblings use to somehow elevate themselves above the dark side of their heritage. Going along for the ride, we find ourselves elevated as well.

the story is engaging, January 26, 2007
The Glass Castle is a good read; it's well written and hard to put down. I essentially read it in one sitting.

My only issue lies in Walls' continually optimistic/positive tone despite the attrocities that she and her siblings were experiencing. I often felt that Walls was failing to express what should have been anger/outrage towards her parents. Her father, more often than not, was described as a gentle genius when he, in my estimation, was a selfish, abusive drunk.

Working in law enforcement, I have been in similar homes as described by Walls. I have interacted with the children and the families living amongst poverty and feces. My personal experiences dimished the impact of the book; I wasn't as shocked as others might have been. However, my personal experiences left me wondering why Walls didn't describe the smells and the emotional torture of her existence.

The Glass Castle was, in my opinion, heavily santized in order to maintain a more hopeful tone. That's where I failed to fully connect with Walls' abusive childhood.

Nonetheless, it's a good book. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Sixteen-year-old Angie Favorite's life so far has been defined by the disappearance of her mother on her eleventh birthday. Since then, she and her older brother Jason have been raised by their grandmother, while their father tours with his rock band. When Angie is attacked by a complete stranger, the crime seems random, until she meets her attacker's wealthy mother, Lillian Bittner, and discovers nefarious connections between the Bittners and the mother no one has heard from in five years.

Told in a unique and compelling voice, Favorite will enthrall readers with its spellbinding tension and emotionally satisfying conclusion.
... Read more

Reviews

A Great Book, September 21, 2010
This book kept me up late the night I started reading it. I couldn't put it down. It caught my interest from the first page and held it to the last. I look forward to reading more by this author.

Great Book - great author!, February 6, 2010
I've recently discovered Karen McQuestion as an author and have been downloading all of her books on my Kindle to read during the blizzard we've been hit with. She is a very gifted author - her characters are very believable and detailed, and the stories are gripping.
Favorite was a thriller - hard to put down, and had very interesting twists in it. I hope to read more of Ms.McQuestion!

Excellent read, unable to put the book down, December 28, 2009
Well written and easy to read, I wasnt able to put the book down. No gore, just well written and an enjoyable thriller...

An excellent novel, and one I could thankfully buy in the UK (I seem unable to purchase every other book I try as being unavailable in my country)
I will buy her other books if able to...for my new Kindle
A good read and well worth the money

Favorite, September 25, 2010
I discovered Karen McQuestion while searching for something new to read and was very pleasantly surprised. I may be a bit biased, as I am from Wisconsin, which is the setting so that roped me in off the bat. It was an intriguing, quick read that kept me wanting more. Very well written and suspenseful. I will continue to seek out books by this author and would recommend this one to anyone who enjoys a good mystery.

A very enjoyable read, April 3, 2010
I have to admit the reason I was first drawn to this book was because of its 4 & 1/2 stars rating and also the price. I would normaly only read novels on my commute to and from work. But once I started reading this I was hooked and couldn't put it down. I read it in one day in the end. A well written, good paced thriller.

One of my favorite books, January 14, 2010
This is the 2nd Karen McQuestion book I have read. I wasn't disappointed. Again read the book in one day. Her books draw you in very quickly and you don't want to put down the book. Love the way you feel touched by her stories. A wonderful read, not deep just enjoyable.

Did not realize these books are self-published. Can't imagine why a publishing house wouldn't jump on this author. Thanks for not disappointing me again! Great job Karen. Keep them coming.

Favorite, November 23, 2010
Favorite would make a wonderful gift for the young reader on your Christmas list. It has all the elements of a great novel - excitement, suspense (I personally couldn't put it down), believable characters, and a glimpse of young romance. All this creates just the right combination to keep a girl interested in reading good books. Like all of Karen McQuestion's novels, this is a winner!

Great read, September 5, 2010
I thought that was a great book, couldn't put it down, read it in a couple of hours. Never heard of the author, but so far I have read three of her books on my IPAD. I would definitely tell my friends to read her books. I look at other reviews and get so confised, I am glad I make up my own mind. I think you will enjoy her books!

Carolyn White Tipton, Indiana, August 2, 2010
I never heard of this author and I have read thousands of books; but I thought what the heck it sounded interesting....I luved the twist's that McQuestion did in the book. So much so, I bought a few others. Try it!

enjoyed this book!, May 19, 2010
i read this book in two sittings and look forward to reading more material by this author. ... Read more

Editorial Review

In today’s increasingly complicated world, it’s often difficult for parents to connect with their daughters–and especially so for fathers. In this unique and invaluable guide, Dr. Meg Meeker, a pediatrician with more than twenty years’ experience counseling girls, reveals that a young woman’s relationship with her father is far more important than we’ve ever realized. To become a strong, confident woman, a daughter needs her father’s attention, protection, courage, and wisdom. Dr. Meeker shares the ten secrets every father needs to know in order to strengthen or rebuild bonds with his daughter and shape her life–and his own–for the better. Inside you’ll discover:

• the essential virtues of strong fathers–and how to develop them
• the cues daughters take from their dads on everything from self-respect to drugs, alcohol, and sex
• the truth about ground rules (girls do want them, despite their protests)
• the importance of becoming a hero to your daughter
• the biggest mistake a dad can make–and the ramifications
• the fact that girls actually depend on their dads’ guidance into adulthood
• steps fathers can follow to help daughters avoid disastrous decisions and mistakes
• ways in which a father’s faith–or lack thereof–will influence his daughter
• essential communication strategies for different stages of a girl’s life
• true stories of “prodigal daughters”–and how their fathers helped to bring them back

Dads, you are far more powerful than you think–and if you follow Dr. Meeker’s advice, the rewards will be unmatched.

“Reassuring and challenging . . . a helpful road map for concerned fathers [that] tackles difficult issues.”
–National Review

“A touching, illuminating book that will prove valuable to all of us who are fortunate enough to have been blessed with daughters.”
–Michael Medved, nationally syndicated radio talk-show host, author of Right Turns

“Dr. Meeker’s conclusions are timely, relevant, and often deeply moving. No one interested in what girls experience growing up in our culture today–and the impact that parents, especially fathers, have on the experience–can afford to miss reading this book.”
–Armand M. Nicholi, Jr., M.D., professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School ... Read more

Reviews

A wonderful guide to active fatherhood and your much need participation in your daughter's life, October 30, 2006
As the father of three daughters (and three sons), I had a strong reaction to this book. It is terrific in the way it guides and urges fathers to be active and involved in the lives of their daughters. It doesn't provide a list of detailed actions you must take to have a successful relationship or a healthy child. Instead, it provides ten needs that can best be met by you as her father as she grows into a wonderful woman and makes her own way in the world.

When a father realizes the way her relationship with him and his with her defines so much of how she will define the male-female world in her life, it gives one pause. Daughters need heroes; she learns a lot about love from her father, she can learn important qualities such as humility, faith in God, and standing up for herself. How a father protects and defends her has a big impact on her self-image. The way a father demonstrates practicality and tenacity can provide a great example when hard times inevitably come. And he should be the kind of man he would like his daughter to marry.

Above all, he needs to help her get connected and stay connected with life. Never let her drift into a shell and withdraw from the world. This can't be done by command. It is a participatory experience that requires the father as much as the mother.

This is a fine book with lots of good anecdotes and examples. A great read for anyone still raising daughters and a terrific gift (if given the right way) to a new father of a little girl.

Recommended!

Even if you are already a great Daddy..., May 3, 2007
The more you know; the more you know you don't know.

This is a powerful book for fathers who are already great Dads... It will validate who you are and encourage you to keep doing what you are doing. It will help forge your mind around your absolute responsibilities as the father of a girl and young lady. It will remind you that baby girls, young ladies, and women have only ONE Daddy.

I have read other father/daughter books, including Dr. Leman's book (which I also recommend in another Amazon review). Like all advice, one must temper the input from outside sources. Dr. Leman and Dr. Meeker's books, however, are treasures that you can simply gorge yourself on... without regard to having to sift the psychobabble and tenuous opinions with little research and/or validity.

Dr. Meeker's book, in particular, is superlative from the standpoint of a no-holds barred, in-your-face reality check of the awesome responsibilities associated with being your daughter's Daddy. Whereas Dr. Leman's book was more of a semi-autobiographical and quasi-emotional journey of the Daddy-daughter relationship, Dr. Meeker's book is much more robust, profound, and, in some case, quantitatively advanced.

Best of all, though, Dr. Meeker is a daughter; a former girl; a woman; and a doctor. She has lived the life of a Daddy's girl (not the spoiled type - but, rather, the type who can look back upon her youthful Daddy interactions with fond appreciation). She has also lived the life of a doctor who has talked with, counseled, and commiserated with many, many girls and young ladies... THIS is an insight worth a King's ransom.

This book is very, very special. If you want to understand the touchy-feely side of how a Daddy affects his daughter's life, buy Dr. Leman's book. If you want to cover the full gamut of your superlative responsibility as a Daddy; if you want to delve deep into your daughter's eyes and see what she sees, wants, and needs... buy THIS book.

By the way, I HIGHLY recommend giving this book to both genders, as well as any other adult male who has daughters.

Good book to add to your arsenal - some facts, some opinions., May 29, 2007
I have a three-year-old daughter and thought this would be a good Doctor's guide about raising a daughter. I found it to be interesting and Dr. Meeker makes some geniune points about the psychological make-up of young women and girls (although she is Family M.D. and not a Psychiatrist or Psychologist).

Some of the end tends to get a little preachy about God and the like, which you see coming over the horizon about midway through the book. Nevertheless, if there's one thing we know about people who are religious and those who are not, it's unlikely that a child-rearing book is going to convert you one way or the other; so, if you don't agree, that section won't kill you. I'm living proof.

In my opinion, this is an enjoyable book with some very relatable anecdotes and a lot of food for thought about the oversexualized nature of pop culture and the dangers facing our daughters every day.

As a father who tends to see things left of center in most cases, when it comes to youth (especially our daughters), I couldn't agree more.

The FATHER'S BIBLE to raising a daughter, August 11, 2007
Every father should read this book, not only once, but every year. I have recommended this book to everybody I know with a daughter, and everybody has thanked me for the referral. My children are 3 years old and younger, and I learned a ton. Friends with older children and teenagers told me that everything Dr. Meeker said in the book has come true for their kids as well, once they start paying attention to her advice, following her recommendations, and paying attention to our daughters responses to our actions. Awareness is key, as the book points out.

I think this book gets 6 stars, not only because it's well written, but because of how it changed my life. I think I'm a better person and will be a better father for reading this book. How do you put a value to such knowledge?

Don't think twice, just buy this book. Every chapter is a gem. Fatherhood is underestimated and nobody seems to talk about how important it is. Is it not a manly thing to talk about how important it is to raise and protect your daughter? Look at fatherhood in this way - it is the ONLY job that only YOU can do! You are your daughter's protector and according to the book, her savior. Put your ego aside and admit that no matter what your job, career or profession is, someobody else can do exactly what you do or even better. If you died tomorrow you would be replaced in no time in the workplace. But what about your role in your family, and as a father? That will be a permanent loss. NOBODY can be the father to your daughter, however, except you, so why not read about how to do it right or how to do it better?

Every man in the world will try to hit on, sleep with, or get something from our daughters except us fathers. We're the only men who our little girls may ever be able to truly rely on, that is, if you do what this book tells you to do. Just being a father by title isn't enough! You need to follow the advice from this book, otherwise you will be just another man in the world disappointing their daughters. As the book points out, you can actually do tremendous harm to your daughter if you don't follow the recommendations in this book. That puts a great responsibility on our role. As a professional, I've read hundreds of books and articles about how to do my job, which isn't nearly as important as being a father to my daughters. So, why not start reading about our real "most important job?"

I know this review is a bit over the top, so I disclose that I have no relationship to the author or to the publisher and have nothing to gain for praising the book. I just want every father to be the best that they can be, and that will make every daughter better prepared for the world. I almost never write reviews, but this book is so amazing that I felt I owed it to us fathers out there and to our daughters, hoping to get at least one other person to buy the book.

Stong Fathers, Strong Daughters, September 24, 2006
My husband and I label this book as a "must read" for any daddy raising a daugther! We never realized the impact a father has on setting the course for his daughter's life until reading this book. It heightens the motivation to be that special man in your daughter's eyes. The author had a wonderful way of touching our hearts and opening our eyes to the role played by the father.

Attention, Fathers of daughters!, October 9, 2006
Dr. Meg Meeker has written an important book for fathers in the 21st century. I purchased this book to pass on to a young father that I know and I'm hopeful his family will benefit from it.

As a father of two daughters, I worked hard to perfect the "10 secrets every father should know" that Dr. Meeker writes about in her book. Fathers, it is crucial you understand how important you are to your daughter. Dr. Meeker points out that you are her hero and her first love.

Dr. Meeker says, "Your daughter looks to you for guidance, whether the issue is what instrument or sport to play, what college to attend, or what to do about sex, drinking, and drugs. If she feels close to you, she's much more likely to make good decisions. If she doesn't feel close to you, all bets are off."

I encourage all fathers of daughters to read this book. If you aren't a father of a daughter then buy a copy for someone who is!

Only for dad's who want their daughters to be emotionally stable with high standards, March 15, 2007
I was dumbfounded when I read (the few) negative reviews of this book. It's unbelievable what some people will delude themselves into believing when the truth doesn't fit their agenda. If you're the kind of parent that thinks it's ok to let your 15 year old daughter's boyfriend spend the night with her in her room in your house "because it's safer and at least you know where they are", this book IS NOT for you. You have already made your (and her) bed and you will both have to lie in it and live with the consequences for the rest of your lives.

However, if you cherish and value your daughter's innocence, positive attitude (that they are *all* born with until the world crushes it from them), love of life and bright, happy, healthy smile, this book IS for you. If you want her to grow up emotionally healthy and able to face the pressures that our parents never knew and therefore didn't know how to equip *us* to deal with, read this book, it will tell you how.

This book will give mothers and fathers alike a crystal clear understanding of the emotional consequences (forget the medical consequences) of having sex too early and with too many partners and how to help your daughter stave off pressure. You can ignore and deny the consequences but that will not change the feelings of worthlessnes and yes, downright depression, that your daughter will feel if you, her parents, do not protect her from the onslaught that is our sexually charged society made up of hormonal teen (and pre-teen) boys who believe it is their right to take your daughter's innocence and your daughter's female friends that will tease her and call her a prude and a geek if she doesn't "give it up" to the guy she's been "dating" for a month.

I am a mom and this book taught me so much about my precious girls and how to be a better mom. I taught me so much about my awesome husband and enabled me to understand and appreciate the traits about him that make him so valuable to our girls' healthy development. Things that I sometimes used to get annoyed and angry about that he would do in dealing with issues I now understand and even appreciate. I understand how he deals with things differently from me and why it is not only good but invaluable.

Lastly, it taught me so much about myself. Burdens have been lifted from me that I have carried for years because, not only do I now understand the things I went through as a teen and preteen, but I am now equipped to help my daughter avoid the mental anguish that I experienced (and am still experiencing, so some extent). My parents were great, but our society changed so much and so fast from when they were kids in the 40's and 50's that they had absolutely no clue what they had to equip me with and protect me from, much less how to do it.

If you are a parent (mother OR father) that cares desperately for your daughter and wants to keep her safe, healthy and happy - emotionally and physically - I think you would be hard-pressed to find a better book than this to help you reach those goals.

As for those that think this book is "old-fashioned", I ask you, did we have the problems with teen pregnancy, skyrocketting STD's and teen suicide in the "old-fashion" days? These are the fruits of our "progress".

Sorry this was so long, but this book has had a profound impact on me.

excellent guide, August 24, 2007
This is an excellent book. A guide for fathering girls. It is a little redundant in making points but does illustrate how important certain things are in raising a daughter. Overall, a good book for a father to read if he is serious about raising his daughter to be a well adjusted young lady and about having a loving relationship with his daughter.

Worthy advice for Dads, July 17, 2007
I ordered this book after a friend told me about seeing the author on EWTN, the Catholic TV channel. I have three sons who are fathers of daughters, and considered it might be a good read for them. I read it myself to be sure it wasn't too "religious", or too "anti-feminist", an impression I got from reading the jacket. The strongest aspect of the book is the author's experience as a therapist with young girls, elementary, middle and high school, and college. She repeatedly draws a connection between the depression, eating disorders, and confusion about sex she sees in her clients, and the quality of the girls' relationship with their fathers. I think she makes some really good points about what girls need from their Dads in this hard-to-grow-up-in culture we currently have. She does make a strong case for religious faith in the final chapters, but it didn't seem too "preachy." I have given the book to my oldest son, who has two daughters ages 11 and 6, and am awaiting his reactions.

A must have for current father's; great info for any girl's parent., June 7, 2007
If your daughter is 2, or in my case 16; or if you're considering having kids (and therefore have the possibility of haveing a daughter), this book will lay the framework on what it is your daughter is looking for in a father, a man, and possibly your future son-in law. I'm not saying it will take all of the mystery out of being a Dad to your girl, but it unraveled years of questions I had about being a father, and helped me lay down better boundaries without feeling like I was being unfair. It in no way had me locking up my young teen daughter, but it opened my eyes to what I needed to be looking for, and how to better protect her even from a distance. I'm much more comfortable with my girl, and what I say yes and no to after reading this book. ... Read more

Editorial Review

An indispensable survival manual for guys entering the trenches of fatherhood, Be Prepared is loaded with one-of-a-kind insights, MacGyver-esque tips and tricks, and no-nonsense advice for mastering the first year as a dad.

Finally, a book that teaches men all the things they really need to know about fatherhood...including how to:

• change a baby at a packed sports stadium

• create a decoy drawer full of old wallets, remote controls, and cell phones to throw baby off the scent of your real gear

• stay awake (or at least upright) at work

• babyproof a hotel room in four minutes flat

• construct an emergency diaper out of a towel, a sock, and duct tape

Packed with helpful diagrams and detailed instructions, and delivered with a wry sense of humor, Be Prepared is the ultimate guide for sleep-deprived, applesauce-covered fathers everywhere. ... Read more

Reviews

Be Prepared, August 13, 2006
At first glance, Be Prepared looks like it might be a joke book. The bright yellow handbook format cover shows a child in a backpack strapped onto a smiling, manly fellow in a lumberjack shirt. Front backpack straps replace the man's suspenders, baby bottle, rattles and other toys are at his waist, toolbelt style, and a pacifier dangles from a strap in his fingers. It captures attention.

Likewise, the inside of the book captures attention with well designed layout and graphics. Readers recognize the content, presented with abundant wit and style, is playful but not a joke. This is a creative, purposeful production with solid, helpful information delivered in fun, maybe over-the-top, masculine terms, but quite real.

With useful, pithy information in easily assimilated chunks, and a fun filled, `can-do/here's how', unsentimental attitude, this nuts-and- bolts manual attracts expectant and new dads the way their beloved Worst-Case Scenario books used to, but with more usable material that really will help prepare them for parenting, appreciate their baby, and boost their confidence. Dads who know how to care for their infants are more likely to participate in care and strengthen parent-child attachment from the start. This interesting book imparts the preparatory knowledge well indeed.

It is organized in five general sections by age, from newborn to one year, with basic information about normal development and needs, and appropriate fatherly responsibilities and skills. Mindful, entertaining, diagrammed instructions for hundreds of such necessities as diapering, stimulating, soothing, bathing, swaddling, burping, reading Sports Illustrated with the baby, and recognizing types of crying, are laid out with humor and a decidedly masculine slant:

" Place one of your large outdoor trash cans under the window of the baby's room . (If you live in the city, you can hang a bag from the rail of your fire escape.) Each time you get a dirty diaper, simply open the window and throw down a long range jumper; Once a day, you can go out and collect the air balls, but don't be surprised how fast you'll get the rhythm down. . . "

" . . Studies have shown that the most effective rocking mimics the mother's walking pattern, which is approximately sixty rocks a minute. . . try reggae music. The beat is solid and steady, and it's got a natural buoyancy that will complement your rocking. And best of all, most reggae music cycles at around sixty to seventy beats per minute, tailor-made to your baby's needs. (Bob Marley's Buffalo Soldier is almost a perfect sixty b.p.m.."

WIthout being simplistic, this creative book actually will help dads get their parenting rhythm down, and will appeal to many men who otherwise would not read a book for new fathers. It's a good start.

Authors Greenberg, a comedian, and Hayden,an illustrator/graphic designer, are parents of a daughter.

Fun, informative, and easy to read, November 27, 2006
We just had our first baby last week. I picked this book up a couple of days ago and have been reading in short burst (as the book was designed for) with a book in one hand and a sleeping baby in the other.

The content is fun; engaging to read for both parents. It also does a great job of zoning in on the "important" stuff that new dads want to know, rather than hundreds of pages that are great info, but simply would never get read by most new parents during their haze of sleep deprevation.

5 well deserved stars.

A new dad's breath of fresh air., April 24, 2007
This book isn't meant to be the be-all, end-all of new parent books, but if you're a new dad and are a bit overwhelmed by a) fatherhood and b) all the BOOKS about parenting, this is a great book to get. It's got great retro artwork, a loose style, a sense of humor (something you don't see much in parenting books), and (mostly) very sound advice and information, from what your brand new baby will REALLY look like to how to keep your almost-one-year-old entertained on an airplane....

My kid just turned a year old and I implemented many of the bits of advice I found in this book. It was well supplemented by "The New Father" and by "What's Going on in There?", making a trio of books that runs the gamut from theory to practice, from micro to macro. This book ended up as a well-thumbed bathroom reader after I finished it.

By the way, the website for this book has some activities: listen to the sound of a baby crying for several minutes (to help you acclimate if, perhaps, you're still "expecting"), dad exercises and more.

If You Buy Any Book, Buy This One, April 6, 2005
All the other reviews have pretty much covered it -- this book is hilarious, kitschy, easy to read, and so incredibly practical. My husband loves it, and it's great for moms, too. This book just gets right down to the meat of the matter -- how to care for a baby, how to solve problems, how to be a supportive partner.

Baby-rific!, May 11, 2004
I love this book! It's hilarious, and at the same time, unbelievably helpful. It captures a new dad's state of mind perfectly.

There are illustrations everywhere, on how to do everything, like swaddling, burping, and babyproofing, and all these inventive ways to soothe a screaming baby, and how to keep yourself awake at work.

I read a couple of other books for new dads, and my eyes started to glaze over. But this book was so much fun that I couldn't put it down.

An added bonus: some pages in the book point you to a companion website where you can download audio files and video files and other helpful documents.

Highly recommended!

Best Book for Dads, March 2, 2006
It has humor and really great information. If your Guy won't read any other book, at the very least get him this one. I have bought it for 3 of my buddies, and they have all loved it.

Cheers,
Computer Dude.

If you want to keep your sanity..., January 27, 2006
Or at least laugh while you're losing it, this is the book for you. My wife had picked me up several parenting books, and they all had a tone that dad was an ignoramus that needed serious help. All were pretty dry to boot. I picked up this book while we were shopping for baby furniture. Thank goodness I did, because my wife had to be induced, and our daughter came a month early. I was terrified, but this book helped me get through. It has some great common sense suggestions, and manages to make you laugh through it (no small feat when you haven't slept in 3 days). I liked it so much that I went out and bought copies for 3 other guys I know who are either new or expectant dads. Much like the Boy Scout manual for scouts, this book should be at dad's side at all times. The only, minor, complaint I have is the topics tend to skip around a bit. Not bad, and it probably helps keep it light, as you don't get 15 pages on diapers all at once.

Not just the best book for new dads..., March 5, 2005
I'm a new mother, fully equipped with the requisite stack of new-mother books. And you know what? I've gotten more useful information out of this one book of my husband's than any of those. In between the duct-tape diapers and taking the baby to happy hour, there's a lot of good common sense here.

Plus, unlike the "humorous" books targeted toward women, this one is actually funny.

A MUST for New Dads!!!, May 18, 2004
Have you ever seen the shocked look on the face of a new father? Seen him struggle to manage the new tasks facing him? Run out and buy Be Prepared as soon as you can. I have given this book to 3 new fathers this week and they have been delighted to receive a book written JUST FOR THEM! I have even witnessed a wife trying to wrestle the book from her husband. Be Prepared is both informative and funny. A great read for both new and 'old' dads. The learning never stops!

Good, Fun Book for Beginnner Dads, September 21, 2006
This book is a great starting place if you are like me and are a first time Dad with absolutely zero experience dealing with babies. It presents really useful information and tidbits in an entertaining format for guys. The illustrations are quite amusing as well. Who knew that Bob Marley's 'Buffalo Solider' has a perfectly soothing rhythym that matches the baby's heartbeat and helps them relax? It is also contains tidbits on how to leverage your bundle of joy psychologically on others - catching relief at work etc. Things that guys need to know that they would never learn from your typical baby books. I particularly like the bit on how to powernap to minimize fatigue.

If you are a guy and are clueless, take a crack at this book. If nothing else, you will be amused and I am willing to bet you will pick up ideas (and retain them) much faster than you would reading a library of your run-of-the mill baby books. I'm passing it on to my buds when they get their first crack at being dads. ... Read more

Editorial Review

The ultimate DIY project guide for techie dads raising kids in their own geeky image, in the spirit of The Dangerous Book for Boys

Today's generation of dads grew up more tech-savvy than ever. Rather than joining the Little League team, many grew up playing computer games, Dungeons and Dragons, and watching Star Wars. Now with kids of their own, these digital-age dads are looking for fresh ways to share their love of science and technology, and help their kids develop a passion for learning and discovery.

Enter supergeek, and father of two, Ken Denmead. An engineer and editor of the incredibly popular GeekDad blog on wired.com, Ken has created the ultimate, idea-packed guide guaranteed to help dads and kids alike enjoy the magic of playtime together and tap into the infinite possibility of their imagination. With illustrations throughout, this book offers projects for all ages to suit any timeframe or budget. With Denmead's expert guidance, you and your child can:

•Fly a night-time kite ablaze with lights or launch a video camera with balloons

•Construct the "Best Slip n' Slide Ever," a guaranteed thrill ride

•Build a working lamp with LEGO bricks and CDs

•Create a customized comic strip or your own board game

•Make geeky crafts like cyborg jack-o'-lanterns or Ethernet cuff links

Brimming with endlessly fun and futuristic tidbits on everything from gaming to gadgets, GeekDad helps every tech-savvy father unleash his inner kid-and bond with the next generation of brainiacs. ... Read more

Reviews

Not just for geeks... or dads, May 21, 2010
Perfect for families looking for creative and amazing projects, Geek Dad had me bookmarking favorites to try right away. Many involve science in a fun, lightweight way. I can't imagine a child who wouldn't be excited by the prospect of some of these activities: the ultimate outdoor obstacle course, the light-up nighttime kite, the finger-painting with windup toys. The directions make each step simple and understandable.

Each project has a table that describes the concept, lists the tools and materials needed, and gives ratings for cost, difficulty, duration and reusability. Costs are from $0 up to over $100. Difficulty levels begin with primary-school kids up to high school age. Duration is from 0 to 15 minutes up to 3 hours or longer. Reusability ranges from one-time-only use to "good forever."

Throughout the book are drawings, maps, diagrams and tables. Everything's in black and white.

Here's the chapter list:

Introduction: About Being a Geek and a Dad
Make Your Own Geeky Games and Crafts
1. Make Your Own Cartoons
2. The Coolest Homemade Coloring Books
3. Create the Ultimate Board Game
4. Electronic Origami
5. Cyborg Jack-o'-Lanterns and Other Holiday Decorations
6. Windup Toy Finger Painting
7. Create a Superhero ABC Book
8. Model Building with Cake
9. Pirate Cartography
10. Parenting and Role-Playing Games
11. A Never-Ending Demolition Derby
Geeky Activities for the Great Outdoors
12. See the World from the Sky
13. Best Slip `n Slide Ever
14. Fireflies for Every Season
15. Video Games That Come to Life
16. Fly a Kite at Night
17. Build an Outdoor Movie Theater
18. The "Magic" Swing
Awesome Accessories
19. Smart Cuff Links
20. Light-up Duct Tape Wallet
21. Crocheted Dice Bag of Holding
Geeky Kids Go Green
22. The Science of Composting
23. Home Hydroponics
Build / Learn / Geek
24. Build a Binary Calendar
25. Portable Electronic Flash Cards
26. Wi-Fi Signal Booster
27. Cool LEGO Lighting from Repurposed Parts
Geeky Potpourri
Ice Cubes Fit for a Geek
Exploding Drink Practical Joke
Afterword: Pneumatic Wiffle Ball Cannon -- Failure as a Project
Appendix A: Resources and References by Chapter
Appendix B: RPG Character Sheet
Appendix C: Projects Listed by Rank

Don't take my word for it ... Take my Daugters word for it !, May 15, 2010
Hey I'm a geek and a Dad so right off the bat this book is full of win for me. The real test though is the kids. If the kids don't dig the projects then it's a geek book. In the words of my 10 year old daughter after flipping through the book "We are totally doing some of these projects". What more can a Geek Dad ask from a book of projects?

Easy to follow, inspiring, May 25, 2010
Geek Dad has a wide range of projects, from those requiring simple items you already have around the house, to a few that might inspire you to designate a piggy bank ahead of time. There are plenty of crafty ideas sprinkled in with electronics and robotics- even a crochet project!

The instructions are easy to understand and adaptable for different skill levels, including non-geeks. Both my 10 year old and my 6 year old found projects they want to try ASAP.

These projects offer kids a chance at hands-on experiments, something they frequently miss in today's test-focused school day.

Intresting, but not worth making a book of it., September 14, 2010
This is an attempt to join the DIY movement targeted at those of us that are fathers. The book gives ideas of what can be done, some tips, ideas, and that's about it. No fully fleshed out projects, no build lists, no instructables. It makes for a great source of inspiration, but falls short for giving a 'how-to' on some real projects. Not a bad book/reference, but not worth the $15.

Fun & Creative Projects, May 6, 2010
Great ideas for ways to spend quality, geeky time with your kids, packaged up in a entertaining read. The projects will get the kids to tinker right along with you, and maybe even learn something while they're having fun!

Incredably Awesome Book, June 6, 2010
Ken and his crew have come up with some great ideas and this book is the culmination of the hard work and insane fun that comes from being a geeky parent. If you are on the fence about this book, do yourself a favor and just buy it. The fun and adventure you will experience throughout your reading of this book will make it worth your wild.

Awesome!, June 4, 2010
Even thought most of the activities require a lot of money (build your own outdoors movie theater? I mean, seriously), this is an OUTSTANDING book. I now have a lot of ideas on my own to spend time with my daughter, all of them based on this book!

Buy it, even if you're not a father! I can bet a lot of people will perform the activities on it without even being a parent, you just need to be GEEK!

Big disappointment, August 13, 2010
I was very excited for this book. I was expecting to find many projects I could do with my 6 and 10 year olds. I found 5 that I might do. There were several reasons I ruled out projects: too much like arts and crafts which isn't what I bought the book for; we already did something along those lines; didn't seem interested to young kids; too elaborate to ever get around to it. I got science experiment books at the library and am much happier with those.

These are just our preferences. Obviously, other reviewers like the ideas.

I might have given it only 2 stars, but I have to give the book credit for pointing me towards Arduino boards and ThingM products.

Can't Wait to Try These Projects!, May 7, 2010
I've read a few chapters so far and I recommend this book whole-heartedly. I'll disclose I contributed to one of the chapters and received a gracious complimentary copy for that. It's an enjoyable read, infused with dry wit and winking geek culture in-jokes. The book is a great gift for Mother's Day, Father's Day, and pretty much any occasion with a kid involved. The projects it contains will be perfect for upcoming summer days, ways to forge family memories more lasting than video game high scores. My 10-year-old son, thumbing through it, exclaimed, "This is so cool. I love this book!" He already picked out the first project he wants to try, "Make Your Own Cartoons." That's the best endorsement you could want.

Must have for any Geek Dad!, May 5, 2010
Received the book yesterday and after the first read the book is great. There are great projects that I will be doing with my son as he grows up. What else is there to say? I highly recommend this book to any parent who enjoys geeky hobbies, and wants to share them with their geeklet. ... Read more

Editorial Review

This keepsake journal makes it easy for grandparents to share the richness of their lives by drawing out recollections of travel and romance, family and friends, dreams and special places, and more. With photo pages at the beginning of each chapter and a pocket at the back to store letters, recipes, or other treasures, grandparents can now give grandchildren a gift that's everlasting. ... Read more

Reviews

This one's very nice, October 31, 2009
I decided I wanted to give grandparent journals to the parents and in-laws for Christmas, and began reading the reviews for the many books. I have a rather comprehensive genealogy already done, so I wasn't too interested in getting the whole "family tree" aspect. Instead, I wanted insight into the person's childhood and adulthood, and perhaps some little personal nuggets that would really flesh them out for me, my kids, and generations to come.

At Any rate, I still couldn't figure out which one I wanted (sometimes those "look inside" things are just useless, showing copyright pages and blank sheets!), and of course the local book stores don't have all of them. I decided the only way I could decide which was right was to buy them all, look at them, and return the ones I didn't like as well. So, I bought Grandmother Remembers a Written Heirloom for My Grandchild, A Grandparent's Legacy: Your Life Story in Your Own Words, A Grandparent's Book, The Grandmother Book: A Book About You for Your Grandchild, Grandparents Journal, and Memories for My Grandchild. I'm planning to review them all as I make my decision.

Memories for my Grandchild is hardcover, with a spiral binding which makes it really easy to lay a page flat to write in the book. The book has decent weight, smooth paper which should accept all pens and pencils. the first page is a dedication "for my grandchild", and prompts you to fill it out with why you filled it out, the first time you saw the grandchild, always remember this, etc. That's a nice touch. My problem is that the grandparents I was giving this to have 3 or 5 grandkids (depending on the side of the family), and I was going to have them fill out the book once for all the grandkids. This dedication might be hard to write for all the kids.

The next faces are a family tree, which uses a fold-out page to extend the tree to both the grandmother and grandfather's sides of the tree, followed by 20 pages of "family history"; ancestors, the grandparent's grandparents, parents, and extended family. the very last page of the chapter is heavier weight, with cuts in it to slide in a family photo. The next 18 pages are of the childhood years. It is a mixture of starting the sentence for you ("My hero was...") and Q&A ("Were you born in a hospital, at home, or somewhere else?"). Following chapters are "Teenage years", "entering adulthood", "family life", "today", "further thoughts", and "resources" (a list of genealogy/family record books and websites). Each chapter but the last follows the same format as the "childhood years".
The book is not clearly for a woman or a man, and the individual pages are not froo-froo or anything, but the chapter pages and blank pages have a somewhat female bent with the design, romantic quotes, and photos. They seem to be careful, however, to make questions gender neutral (eg, "As you got to know your future spouse, what made you fall in love with him or her"), so this could work with either a man or woman.
The book came shrinkwrapped. The back cover description of the book is attached to the shrinkwrap, so after you unwrap it, you are left with only the fancy paper of the back page. This gives the book more of a journal/keepsake feel, which is nice. The inside back cover has an attached, expandable envelope for putting in keepsakes. It's great that it expands but I don't think you can put too much in there or the book's cover won't close properly.

This is the last book I reviewed. I think my top 3 contenders are the 3 spiral bound books. For whatever reason, I liked the insides of those best, and of course, liked the spiral binding best. I'm not sure which one I will ultimately choose. Perhaps I'll end up buying different ones for different parents/personalities... I'll have to update later.
UPDATE: I decided to buy 2 copies of this; one for each of my parents, since they are both into genealogies. For my inlaws, I purchased "grandparents' journal", so they would only have to fill one book out.

The Joy of Writing to a Child, July 6, 2005
I loved this book (we actually have two books, one for each of us to write to our grandchildren) not just because it's quite an ambitious project (anything worthwhile is) but because it's something I wish my grandparents had done for me. I have no letters of theirs addressed to me (much less a book like this), nor do I have much of an insight into their daily lives of work and play. I remember the two grandmothers only in their old age, and my grandfathers not at all. The older I get, the more I want to know about them. I hope that in interweaving stories of my past, as well as those of my parents, grandparents and earlier ancestors, that my grandchildren will have ever so much more to delve into than just a genealogy chart. This book asks about not just the daily rhythms of our lives, but also about what makes our hearts beat with anticipation--what inspires us, what hopes we have for our children and grandchildren and for our world. And they will come to know us as people who were once young too. I love interspersing photos and special mementos throughout this sensitively and beautifully written book.

The most important book I've purchased this year., July 17, 2005
Saving memories seems like an obvious and simple thing to do with and for your family, but I found it impossible to capture histories without having this book in hand. Besides being a catalyst and a handsome receptacle, the book is also extremely well thought out, making the process of collecting memories much easier than if you sat down and tried to do it on your own. Definitely worth giving to your loved ones and owning.

Detailed and visually pleasing too, June 19, 2005
This goes beyond others in this category in the number of topics it covers. It is really guiding you through an autobiography. I bought this to do with my grandmother who is 90 and lucid and has a great memory.
Highly Recommended.

Disappointed by reaction..., October 26, 2007
I bought these books for my mother, mother-in-law, and father to fill out for my daughter. I knew that they would be quite a project to fill out, but I didn't expect the reactions I got from my mother and mother-in-law about them. Seems as if they were a little overwhelmed at the prospect of revealing their lives in such a way (in writing)-- They are both in their early 60's and were taking the questions so literally it was frustrating for me to even talk about filling out the books with them! Maybe they both have some sort of weird inability to sugar-coat anything, I don't know! My mom asked, "what do you want me to do, lie?" Like the question- Where did you go for family trips? My mother said "we didn't have any money, we didn't go anywhere." and proceeded to tell me that she had a very boring life, she started her family at 17, didn't have much money untill they were older, and had nothing to write about.... which left me feeling depressed, and apologetic for even giving her the book!

I had such high hopes for these books, I think they are great gifts for the right people. I wish my relatives were a little more open to this sort of thing, I would've loved to have something like this filled out by my own grandmother, who died when I was 3. If you think the recipient will oblige, then I would definately recommend it.... but just a warning from someone who found out the hard way, not everyone is open to this kind of thing!

I'm buying multiple copies!, October 25, 2007
I've never taken the time to review the many books I order, but I had to chime in about this one. I ordered it because it sounded like a terrific Christmas gift for my 19-month-old son to give his grandparents, and I'm thrilled. It's a beautiful book, and anyone who fills it out creates a family treasure to be passed down for generations. The book contains thoughtful and interesting questions to answer that will create a really terrific autobiography when filled out completely. It's a beautifully printed book -- it's actually a hard cover, with a spiral spine inside so it will lay flat while you write in it. Very good quality paper, good quality images for the few photos included, some nice quotes; overall a great product. As one reviewer noted, these are really designed for each individual grandparent to fill out. I think this is a positive attribute, though, unlike the other reviewer -- it means we'll have four different family histories to share with our child. In addition to purchasing copies for all 3 of my son's living grandparents, I'm going to buy a 4th that I'll try to fill out on behalf of my father who died a few years ago. With help from my mom and from my dad's siblings, I hope to create something that will make my wonderful dad come alive for the grandson who will never have the privilege of knowing him (and for me, too -- most of the questions in there I don't know the answers to for my own dad!). In fact, I think this book would be a wonderful gift for parents, not just grandparents, to fill out for the kids they love. So I'm also going to order two more copies that his father and I will fill out about ourselves, for our son's benefit and then perhaps eventually for his children to enjoy. A wonderful book! My thanks to the thoughtful authors!

Beautiful Memory Book, December 19, 2008
(review written by Nick's wife) I came across these memory books in a parenting magazine and loved the idea of having my children's grandparents fill them out. I even bought some for my grandparents to fill out for me.

After searching through everything Amazon has to offer, I ended up purchasing a variety of books. I chose Mom, Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, Tell Me Your Memories, A Grandparent's Legacy and Memories for My Grandchild.

Memories for My Grandchild has the most flexible layout - meaning there is no guide for filling things out at a certain time. It is also the largest book, measuring about 8" x 10" and just less than 1" thick. It has a covered spiral binding. This is the only book with a pocket in the back to drop in any special items and a pull-out page to fill in the family tree. The pages in this book are lined as well.

A Grandparent's Legacy is probably my favorite of the books I purchased. It is laid out month-by-month with topics to discuss. The book measures 8" x 5" with a nice covered spiral binding and is about .75" thick. Each page has topics to discuss and lines for writing.

I was slightly disappointed in all the Tell Me Your Memory books. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I really didn't think they would all be the same with a different cover page as they are. I was really disappointed in the size of the books. They are 4" x 5.5" with a 1" spiral binding. Each is about 1" thick. It is laid out for a full calendar year - each day having a different question or memory for the person do write about. The pages have a question at the top and are blank (no lines) below.

The books all cover similar questions and memories. I haven't gone page-by-page to compare, but have been pleased with what I've seen so far. Since the books are so similar, I'm basing my overall opinion on the appearance and friendliness of the layout.

Memories for My Grandchild, July 17, 2006
The book has tons of space to put family information and pictures.
the only problem is it will take me a year to complete the project!!! But when it is done it will be a wonderful keepsake for both my grandchildren. I bought on copy and when I saw how nice ist was I oreder another.

Essential gift for the new or old grandmother, August 19, 2004
I was lucky enough to receive an advance copy of this book and have already pre-ordered copies for my mother and my grandmother. I have always wanted to record my family's history and did not know how to do it - this book makes it super easy. The layout is extremely simple to follow and I love that my grandmother's hand will create a permanent record of my family's unique history. The questions are fun and easy to answer. I can't wait to sit with my daughter one day and read together about where her ancestors came from, what kinds of food they ate, what kinds of clothes they wore, what they thought about me and all the other details that often go ushared. Memories For My Grandchild is the perfect gift to give to anyone who cares about family history. I love this book!

Add this book to your Baby Registry!, May 16, 2006
My wife and love this book. The book's thoughtful questions lead you effortlessly through the process of creating your own family documentary. Now that we're parents-to-be (4 more months and counting), we can't wait to give it to our own parents/soon-to-be grandparents. A must-have addition to every baby registry! ... Read more

Editorial Review

Winner of four national book awards, including Foreword Magazine's Psychology Book of the Year!
The science has been clear since 1994, when Adult AD/HD was declared a medical diagnosis. Still, the public harbors misconceptions, and that means millions suffer needlessly. And that includes millions of couples who can't understand why their lives together are so hard -- sometimes despite many attempts at couples therapy.

Everyone knows someone with adult AD/HD. Yet we misattribute the symptoms to anxiety, depression, or even laziness, selfishness, or moodiness. Moreover, we assume AD/HD means "little boys with ants in their pants." In fact, childhood hyperactivity goes "underground" as the person matures, resulting in a mentally restless state. (By the way, the former, and still better-known, official term is ADD, plus or minus Hyperactivity. The new term, AD/HD, uses a slash mark to indicate that hyperactivity is not central to the diagnosis.)

Meticulously researched by award-winning journalist Gina Pera, Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? is a comprehensive guide to recognizing the behaviors where you least expect them (on the road and in the bedroom, for example) and developing compassion for couples wrestling with unrecognized ADHD symptoms. It also offers the latest information from top experts, plenty of real-life details, and easy-to-understand guidelines for finding the best treatment options and practical solutions. The revolutionary message is one of hope for millions of people--and a joyous opportunity for a better life.

Insightful, helpful, witty, and very practical. This book can change your life.
--Daniel G. Amen, M.D., author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life

... contains information that is just not available anywhere else. This book is sure to become the authoritative guide for couples dealing with ADD.
--Patricia O. Quinn, M.D., Director, The National Center for Girls and Women with ADHD

...We expect this book will be the bible for all of us dealing with adult ADD.
-- Elizabeth Weathers and Diane Hartson, moderators, ADD Spouse support group

... I can safely predict it will become as much an 'industry standard' as Driven to Distraction.
--David Edelberg, M.D., Medical Director, WholeHealth Chicago

... The book is well researched, reader friendly, and includes insights and perspectives from a Who's Who of professionals. For couples struggling with ADHD, it's the season's new must-have book and bound to become a classic.
--Michele Novotni, Ph.D. Psychologist, Coach

Confirmatory brain neuroscience answers this speculation about Adult ADHD: It s a real problem with real and painful challenges, not a belief system.
-- Charles Parker, DO, Medical Director, CorePsych, author of Deep Recovery

... Gina Pera has combined a real feel for the disorder with sound reporting skills and the spice of those who tell the story best: the couples themselves.
-- Margaret D. Weiss, M.D., Ph.D., Head, Provincial ADHD Program, British Columbia, Canada

... Gina Pera has been there and has authored a guide that offers understanding for the confused, practical strategies for the frustrated, and hope for the despondent. This book will be a lifesaver for both partners.
-- Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., M.B.A., author of Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD ... Read more

Reviews

The "Our Bodies, Ourselves" for Adults w/ADD, October 23, 2008
I recalled the shock of recognition and thrill of a first encounter with the unadulterated truth that I had when I read "Our Bodies, Ourselves" as a thirteen year old girl, as I read "Is it You, Me or Adult ADD? by Gina Pera.

As a 43 year old women with ADD who was married to a man with untreated ADD, the book rang so true and touched upon so many of our struggles that it was, at times, disorienting to read them detailed in the pages of a book written by an author who did not know my story. Often, I could only read a few pages before needing to take a break and let the enormity of the suffering and needless pain that ADHD causes in adult relationships to sink in.

For too many of us, the real tragedy comes from having seen expert couple therapists for years desperately trying to make our relationships work, while the good will, intimacy and benefit of the doubt was drained out of the marriage as each new round of therapy failed, all the while, never being offered the information provided in this book that could have put us on the path to understanding.

Gina Pera lays out the necessary truth about the impact of adult ADD on relationships and provides a framework to view the issues not as insurmountable, but rather as typical for our population and, in fact, manageable with the right treatment for ADD.

I urge all couples with children who have AD/HD to read this book. Because research tells us that this disorder is genetic, you and your partner may be affected by AD/HD without knowing it and your relationship may be needlessly imperiled. You may save your marriage by discovering how ADD plays itself out in relationships and learning how to address those issues in your own home.

This book provides clear descriptions of the classic dynamics that often underlie the interactions of adults with AD/HD and concrete strategies to preserve the respect and love that you have for your partner while working to make the relationship fulfilling for both of you.

I am in awe of Gina Pera's writing and her ability to harness what looks and sometimes felt like unrelated, distressing events into a cogent, comprehensive portrait that depicts in a devastatingly accurate fashion what life and love feels like being married to an adult with ADHD.

Thanks to this book, we, adults with ADD, can understand the emotional consequences of our behavior, accept responsibility for it and work to empathize with and advocate for our children, spouses and, most importantly, ourselves with a clear mind and full heart.

FINALLY, a book written for the non-ADHD partner, October 22, 2008
Thank you Gina Pera!

Finally, a book written for non-ADHD partners. The author spent 8 years researching ADHD, and this text is clearly a masterpiece of her great efforts. The book is filled with examples, tips, and resources like no other book offers to date.

Most books on the market are written for a person with ADHD, and not chiefly for partners thereof. Perhaps there should be more support groups available, such as, ADD/ADHD Anonymous. Dr. Schwartz offers good help online at mentalhelp.net; however, there are limits. In fact, this is where the author was found [on Dr.Schwartz's article/comment page].

The book was received today, and there was so much to read AND highlight. The text offers a great "peace of mind," helps one realize the truth, without blaming one's self, and helps to comprehend the complexity of ADHD symptoms. Readers are reminded not to blame the person, but rather to understand or manage the "symptom," as Dr.Amen suggests.

There are stories from lives of others that clarify multiple topics, which also projects what non-ADHD partners are facing because others, including friends or family, may rarely understand. The best part is the included "Tip Sheets" to help manage, cope, and/or not take the termed ADHD-bait.

If your partner has ADD/ADHD, whether it is diagnosed or not, this text is highly recommended. As one reviewer noted, "Sure to become the authoritative guide..." Also, as reflected by the diagnosis, some ADHD'ers exhibit strong symptoms of denial, including remorse or blame when others [or their partner] attempts to discuss the illness.

Warning: Anger, and other unnecessary conflicts may occur as a result of having this text or others present. Therefore, if you have been a heavy sufferer, it may be best to put a book cover on this, and keep it to yourself while reading and learning more. Remember that AWARENESS alone can change everything. This book gives you the insight and wisdom to see what you may not have realized, and helps sufferers not to *react* to symptoms, but to recognize them, while offering solutions.

Those with the diagnosis may also benefit from this book if they are able to read with an open mind. Often, it can be difficult for anyone to [look in the mirror and] understand how they are affecting those around them. Indeed, this book is an excellent first step for those whom may or may not be diagnosed. It will offer unique insights into that which may be unconsidered. Finally, the roller coaster can be stopped and parked forever.

In closing, we wish the very best to everyone, and send a very special thanks to the author.

Help for all the partners of people with ADD!, September 8, 2008
This book will do for partners of people with ADHD what "Driven to Distraction" did for people who themselves have ADHD. It's easy to read and has enough medical and scientific information to explain what needs to be explained but not so much to bore the reader. You can go straight through the chapters in order or take advantage of the chapter to chapter references and pick up what you're looking for in the order that works best for you. I love this book! I'll be sharing the info with my clients and their spouses... and especially with the people who call and want me to "fix" their other.

Compassion for those with ADHD...but a focus on their partners, July 16, 2009
Okay, my story...My husband and I were married for 10 years before he was diagnosed with Adult ADHD, inattentive subtype. During that decade, I transformed from a relatively spontaneous, moderately adventurous, and generally flexible wife to a rigid, super-anxious, and critical one. Even though he tended to walk out of the room while I was talking, ran us into debt, forget plans, misremembered conversations/decisions we made together, etc., we both pretty much thought the whole thing was my fault because I was so negative all the time. I stuck with it, because I love my husband and because I didn't want my son to grow up with divorced parents, like I did. Even so, I was unhappy enough to start thinking about divorce and I definitely felt like I was going crazy.

Fortunately, my husband's best friend told him that he probably had ADHD and my husband was diagnosed and started taking medication at age 39. It was not a cure-all, but it let us get some traction on the situation and finally convinced us to get some marriage counseling. Three years later, we are not entirely out of the woods, but I think we will make it.

One very frustrating thing about the experience was the utter lack of support out there for spouses/partners of those with ADHD. I honestly adore my husband and I know that he needs a lot of support and love from me, but I could have used some support too. Even though I knew/know something about the effects of ADHD on his life and mind, I had a hard time putting in the necessary work to make things better because I was exhausted, demoralized and isolated. He got meds and counseling. I got no meds and urgings from websites and counselors to "help him be organized" and "reduce my negative affect so he could rebuild his self-esteem." I did/do my best, but it is hard. I couldn't find a site that discussed the effects on me or his responsibilities to help heal the marriage (just mine).

Man, I wish I had this book three years ago...ten years ago. It really is for me and people like me...people who love their partners and want things to work out, but need a sense of support and community. At parts I laughed out loud, but sometimes I was stunned and saddened by how much I had put up with and how bad my life and marriage had gotten before it started to (slowly) get better. My husband picked it up one day and spent the next few days reading it all the way through. Since he is really one of the most wonderful people in the world, he responded with a renewed sense of purpose to figure out how to use compensatory strategies (calendars, alarms, checklists, etc.) and to hire organizers, coaches, etc. (with my okay just because I needed to take over our finances). He came home with flowers after he finished, hugged me, and said that he never really understood the impact that ADHD had on me. He was surprised when he'd read quotes from spouses in the book that were almost identical to things I'd said recently or even years before. Just the hug and the compassion was amazing. I felt validated and appreciated...not a common thing in the past decade, unfortunately.

BTW: I disagree with reviewers who think the author treats those with ADHD without compassion or respect. It seem very loving to me. That said, if your partner is still dealing with a new diagnosis or is touchy about it, I wouldn't just dump the book in his or her lap. It really is written for spouses and partners. It does not pull punches when it describes how tough ADHD can be for us. In a way, I feel that both my husband and I have ADHD and that now I am getting some help too. I agree that she is pro-meds, but she makes that clear right from the outset and a lot of the book had nothing to do with treatment. I am pro-meds for adults too, at least for a trial run, so that part didn't bother me. Without meds, I just don't know what we would have done.

In short, I loved this book. I thought I'd read everything there was to find about ADHD, but I learned things in every chapter. I am going to order a couple copies for the spouses of my husband's family members, many of whom have similar profiles. I'm even thinking of starting a support group in my area, or finding someone qualified to lead one. I think this book could save marriages, relationships, and some people's sanity.

Probably the best ADHD book I've read, January 10, 2009
The title of my review probably sounds like hype but it's not. I've read 20+ ADHD books (Hallowell, Ratey, Amen et al) and "Is it you me or adult ADD" is the most practical and "real world" of them all.

It's the best balance of real-world anecdotes, situations, issues that ADHD'ers (and those who know ADHD'ers) face, science, and practical solutions, as well as many insights into ADHD that I've seen no where else.

Even though I have ADHD, have read so many books about it, and even regularly attend an ADHD support group, I had at least a half dozen "ah-ha" moments within the first few chapters. I learned about things that I had no idea were related to ADHD. It was really an eye-opener and has helped me live that much better now that I understand why and how it's related to my ADHD.

To me the book is also very practical and real world. It tells it like it is with no sugar coating--both the good and the bad. There's a trend in some ADHD circles to try to paint ADHD as a "gift". Take it from me, having ADHD sucks, it's not a gift. Of course we want to be rid of the stigmas and discrimination (both by people and by the insurance industry) but trying to spin ADHD as a gift just goes too far into la-la-land in my opinion. This book doesn't do that. It talks about what ADHD is, how it effects those who have it, and those who have to deal with those who have it. As I said, very real world, practical, and helpful.

Denial is one major thing this book talks about that I don't recall reading about before. Yes, many of us with ADHD deny we have it, or even if we admit we have it, we think we're doing fine without treatment. These are both unfortunate situations which can have bad if not dire consequences. (Witness the higher accident rates, drug abuse and crime rates of those with *UNTREATED* ADHD.) Amazingly enough, when you treat ADHD these things largely go away and life improves for everyone involved. Getting through the denial may be a major stumbling block though, and this book addresses dealing with that.

I can't say enough good things about this book. If you have ADHD read this book. If you are in a relationship with someone with ADHD read this book. If you're related to someone with ADHD read this book. If you know someone with ADHD read this book and get them a copy.

If you know someone who's life seems like a complete mess, is constantly late, is always losing things, seems distracted or day-dreamy, often says inappropriate things, may be moody or angry a lot, can't seem to stick to something to completion, it's likely that this person has ADHD.

Get them this book or read it yourself and see if maybe you can help them face and deal with their ADHD. You may, in no exaggerated terms, save their life.

Wish I'd had this book 16 years ago!, November 28, 2008
Plenty has been written about ADHD in children and in adults. All the focus has been on the person with the disorder. What hasn't been effectively addressed is how it affects loved ones of people with ADHD. Nor has there been much hope or help for non-ADHD partners until now.

Reading this book was like a look back into my former marriage. My ex-husband has had ADHD his entire life. During our 12 years together, we - and our children - suffered so many of the situations Ms. Pera describes in her book.

The first part of the book sets up what it's like to ride the ADHD Roller Coaster. Just reading the stories from the support group members caused my adrenaline to surge, like it used to regularly. Believe me, the partners of folks with this brain disorder tell their stories well. The hyper-vigilance, walking on eggshells, watching every penny - it's such a hard way to live.

The surveys the author used are also very revealing. You get a pretty good picture of the challenges faced by partners of folks with ADHD and how the disorder colors every facet of life - eating, sleeping, parenting, sex, finances - and the rest of the world can't understand. You feel positively bereft and, at best, nobody else understands. At worst - and this is standard operating procedure - any problems are entirely your fault.

In case you think I'm dissing folks with this disorder, you need to know how attractive, intelligent, creative, funny and talented they are. However, one does get sucked in by their hyper-focus on the prospective partner and the budding relationship. Then suddenly after the intended is "caught," that "knight-in-shining-armor" disappears and left in his (or her) place is somebody who has no concept of how to relate anymore because they've now moved on to the next person or project that catches their attention and they hyper-focus on that to the exclusion of everything else in their lives.

I spent years in therapy, both with and without the ex, and read many books on the subject to no avail. The problem was that none of the therapists or books took the next step into the challenges faced by partners and to offer effective coping strategies. Solutions were trite and useless. Communication tips for couples where one partner can't focus long enough to say good morning are no help whatsoever.

This book, "Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D?" frames the problems differently than any other I've read and gives solid, multi-pronged, science-based solutions. It explains, in layman's terms, how neurotransmitters in the brain work and how medication can make a huge difference by physically getting those messages across those synapses. As the author explains, medication can be to the ADHD brain what eyeglasses are to the myopic eye. There's no more shame in appropriately using medication than the appropriate use of eyeglasses.

There is no one size fits all solution and Ms. Pera makes an in-depth exploration of other therapies that support and supplement medication for those who find that to be a good option.

The best part of the book, however, is the advice and resources for finding a therapist who truly understands the disorder and its effects on a relationship. We spent thousands of dollars on therapists who seemed to know less about the disorder than we did. There was no guidance for people in choosing somebody to help back then.

I particularly appreciate the coping and self-care strategies offered. If these had been available to me ten years ago, I might be in better health today.

Though there's no way I could go back to my ex - too much hurtful water under that bridge - I wonder what could have been if we'd had a resource like this book at the beginning.

Changed my life, December 6, 2008
Are you and your partner fighting all the time? Does it seem like it's always one thing or another? Things get close to settling down, but it never happens? Have you given up your hobbies, your friends? Starting to walk on eggshells? If you just KNOW something is amiss, READ THIS BOOK!! There's so much to say about this book. I could write volumes. It educates you, validates your thoughts and feelings, and helps you realize "It's not your fault". The author describes the stages you go through when you are being overpowered by your partner's symptomatic ADHD behaviors that leave you feeling hurt, lonely and resentful. The great thing about this book is that it takes you beyond pinpointing the issue and takes you to a place of healing and peace. Through Ms. Pera's thoughtful guidance, you are able to take back control of your life and have the strength, drive and courage to rebuild yourself, rediscover your passion and commitment for your partner, and take a lead role in shaping the course of your relationship in the future. My partner and I are not there yet, but with the new insight this book has given me, I know it's just a matter of time. The quality of the book itself should also be noted. It is well designed and printed on high quality paper. The author has included many subheadings, making it easy to access content fast. There are plenty of narratives, advice and information in the numerous boxes and sidebars. It is nicely organized and easy to read.

Gina Pera's Roller Coaster - An ADDer Review, September 10, 2008
I have been anticipating reading Gina's book for some time. She is a marvelous woman who truly cares about people with ADHD and the people who are related to us.

I knew her book would be good, but I had no idea what I would be getting into by reading through it. Much of it was like reading via a mirror into my soul and if you know Gina, she doesn't mince words or try to be overly diplomatic (like some people I know = me).

Before I started read Gina's book I joked with her about how thick it is, but I tell you what, once I opened it, I could not stop reading it. I am really tired at this point because I have not been able to fully sleep until I finished it and I know I will have to reread several parts.

Gina has written a book for the ages and I have never read any book as thorough, evaluating all the aspects of adult ADD/ADHD. She explains not only the common symptoms, but also the symptoms that show up in smaller groups of people with ADD. She tells us of how to train our brains and why. I really liked how she broke down each individual symptom and gives us rational easy to understand explanations for getting through and working through them. You finish reading this book and realize the truth and that truth is that you are not doomed, but you will be doomed if you don't do something about it for yourself and your partner. She sees relationships as teams, both individuals having equal rolls to play while still remaining individuals with dreams, goals and desires.

For me, the most important part of this book is about seeking out the right therapist - how and why. I found this to be the most important part because therapy is what has helped me the most to overcome the past and learn copings skills for a better future. I really can't wait to start working many of these strategies into my life.

Gina, thank you so much for the gift of this book, it will be my most treasured companion (next to Joan) for a long time to come, you were right, it truly is a `one stop shop for information on adult ADHD', but let me add that this book should not simply be considered for those who are in a relationship already. Even if you are single and seeking a companion, "Is it You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.?" is a must and will save you so much unnecessary heartache in the future and will help you with your daily life already. Trust me!

Bryan Hutchinson
Author of:

One Boy's Struggle: A Memoir: Surviving Life Undiagnosed ADD

AD/HD in Adults no longer taken lightly, March 16, 2009
Gina's book has transformed the way we have looked at the family challenges that have plagued us since the day we married. Thanks to this new understanding we have the clarity we need to go forward.

Ignoring the reality of my husband's adult ADD has caused us all a great deal of emotional pain and life disappointments. It was so confusing that someone could be such a "good guy", swearing love and devotion AND in denial about frequent behavior that was at best inconsiderate and frequently just plain mean.

We are hopeful about capitalizing on the commitment we have had toward each other while finally seeing some real improvement in the possibility of smoother marital interaction.

I am especially grateful that my husband chose to take the book with him to work and read most of it (after my reading parts of it to him that were so clearly "us"). He has apologized for what my life has been like married to him, because of his ADD, his first step in acknowledging that the relationship problems were stemming mainly from him, and not because I was "too sensitive".

A world changing book. A must read, especially for those involved in behavioral health. Marriage therapy that does not take adult ADD into consideration is worse than useless, as the adaptive and stress related behaviors of the partner of the adult with ADD can be focused on to everyone's detriment.

Indispensable for the non-ADHD partner, July 28, 2010
If not for this book, my spouse's ADHD would have destroyed our marriage a long time ago. ADHD in a marriage is a big challenge, but the struggles and needs of the non-ADHD partner are very different from those of the person with ADHD. Ms. Pera's book is the first (and AFAIK the *only*) book to address these specific concerns, and she does so with great competence, humor and empathy - for BOTH partners.

The book is filled with practical advice and strategies that actually WORK - both to limit the damage ADHD does in the relationship, and to move forward towards a happier, healthier and less stressful life for both parties. The chapter on finding an ADHD-competent therapist is, just on its own, worth the entire cover price, and there is much more helpful information contained in these 350 pages. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Reviews

Wonderful, easy-to-use ideas - but a missed opportunity, April 9, 2001
I found the "thinking words" vs. "fighting words" sections very helpful. Instead of "Stop yelling!" try "When your voice is as calm as mine, I'll be glad to talk with you." (works for whining too!) Once you've read this book, the "pearls" are easy to use later as a quick reference (about 50 issues including bossiness, getting ready for school, bedtime, teeth brushing, TV, temper tantrums and whining ). The first time I read the book a few years ago, I knew there were some great ideas, but I also felt like I was about to let my children initially experience too many logical consequences, and perhaps a drop in self-esteem. I think the book missed an opportunity to give parents an option to gradually implement their method of teaching responsibility by first acting as an emotional coach. A recently released book used in conjunction with this one was the answer I was looking for. If you have young children or think you may want to help coach your children first, try this book along with "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (author of "Raising your Spirited Child"). The combination is powerful! I keep both books on hand for quick reference and my favorite ideas from them taped to my refrigerator.

The amazing power of choices, and other parenting tips, February 4, 2004
Basically, this book is about how to create a positive learning environment for our children, by giving them control of non-essential choices designed to be the desired outcome regardless of which choice they choose. It also provides some great insight into how to create a trusting and positive environment while teaching some positive habits.

My wife read this book first and I noticed an immediate change in how she reacted to our rather headstrong two-year old. Staying calm, and giving choices like: Do you want to have milk before you go to bed, or juice? This instead of the battle on whether or not she was going to bed. We find ourselves laughing at some of the absurd choices we come up with, and it's harder than it appears to consistently think this way. What is easy to see is that it works, and works well. Some of our biggest battles over dressing, or going to bed, or eating dinner have become much easier and the "uh-oh" said calmly has stopped some poor behavior in its tracks!

While we both embrace the fact that testing the limits is a natural and healthy way for young children to learn, this book gave some great insights on how to facilitate and not discourage that type of learning, and yet still teach the right behaviors.

I was not thrilled with the overall editing and layout of the book, as it jumped around a bit, and half-way through would say things like: This may not work for children under three! OK, this is information we could have used four chapters ago when the authors were making a point we were attempting to follow. That minor complaint notwithstanding, this is an excellent book and is highly recommended for all parents with young children.

I like the theory, NOT their execution, March 4, 2008
I borrowed this book from the library and have just finished reading part one. I will admit first that I am the product of what the authors call "helicopters," so some of the ideas in the book are unusual to me.

In general, I like the idea of natural consequences, enforcable choices, and encouraging children to think through their problems. I can see myself using these principles with my own daughter, but not always the way the authors do it. Some of the sample dialogues in the book are reasonable but many do not sound as genuine and empathetic as the authors imply.

Some of the examples in the book and in the "pearls" are making me very upset. In one case, a child has been neglecting her dog by not feeding it, so the mom just gives it away with no warning and without confronting the girl about it. The authors admit this is a really tough approach but that's how kids learn that unless you take care of your health and your animals serious illness or death can result. Now this sounds crazy to me. In our home, we think of pets as a family responsibility, so that might be one difference. Still, wouldn't it teach the girl more about empathy to sit her down and say "you can either come up with a schedule and feed the dog or we are giving it away, you have one week to improve." Why do these authors feel that giving someone a second chance is a bad thing? It seems this might teach her "if I don't fulfill my responsiblity, someone else will take care of it for me."

Another example is a mom who asked her son to do something and he mouths off and refuses. So the next day when he asks for a ride she says, yesterday you showed me that asking nicely can be ignored, so I'm not going to drive you to your activity, even though you asked nicely. Isn't that just being petty and/or spiteful? That's a great lesson for your kid.

A third example is a kid who blows his lunch money and allowance on a carnival and has no money for lunch at school. So he asks his dad if he can make a lunch from food in the fridge. The dad says, yes, but you have to pay for it because I already gave you money for lunch once. Really? Your kid offers to take responsibility to make his own lunch all week and you are going to charge him for it? I'd think remembering to make lunch everyday would teach him the lesson. I agree to not giving him more money, but charging for the food in the fridge sounds stingy - won't he learn that as part of the lesson too?

I think it is possible for kids to learn self-reliance with this method but some of the examples just sound like the kids would end up feeling like their parents are not willing to help them out without significant groveling. It sounds as though a Love and Logic parent is not supposed to give advice or help a kid work on the solution, or not until the child has time to ponder it and slink back to ask for help. I'm not advocating parents do the solving, just help, like talking it out with them or brainstorming. I thought helping others is an important value to teach our kids (not being doormats, being a sounding board to say "what do you think would happen if you used that solution?"). This seems to teach "I'm genuinely sorry you have a problem but it's still yours." Nice.

I just wonder if some of these examples I've listed would make the kid feel like their parents view them as impositions or that the parents really begrudge them something. I realize that how you do it depends on the age of the child, but some of this still seems pretty harsh the way the authors do it. In some cases I don't think that helping them is equal to bailing them out. The examples sound like the parent says "I know you will come up with a solution" and then they just walk away.

I greatly prefer How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk. It also emphasizes consequences and letting kids make choices and solve problems themselves but it shows you how to do this and keep talking with them at the same time. If Love and Logic is a turn-off for you, consider reading this other book before throwing out the consiquences/choices method entirely.

Parenting with Love & Logic, March 26, 2010
I add my name to the countless others who share my concern about where they feel the line should be drawn (or their lack of a line at all).

They lost me, and I expect countless others, at the example of the family allowing the animal to go hungry long enough that his ribs were showing. They do not step in when the child neglects the dog, expecting the child to be responsible for the dog. THEN after puppy has gotten so thin it's ribs are showing (not a fun period of time for our furry friend I'd imagine) the parent steps in to say the dog has gone to a "new home" They state that "We sometimes worry that this approach sounds too tough, taking a pet out of the home with the possibility it may never return". I don't see this as the primary problem! An animal is not fed to the point his ribs are showing in order to provide a teaching moment.

Interesting the book only a few pages prior states we should "tremble" at what parents' model.

Uh Oh! - Love and Logic modeling neglect, pets are disposable, and to add insult to injury the mom says it hurts her eyes to see the starvation and her ears to hear the cries of hunger. Really?! Don't know I want to teach my children that those who "suffer" the observation of neglect yet choose not to act are the ones who should have our compassion.

They have some good fundamental ideas but I am suspect of how far they go with their approach. I'm unwilling to allow my child to abuse or neglect another living creature and think I'm going to sleep well suffering the "consequences" of that.

I've seen reviews stating other concerns about lines that are drawn, or not draw and am happy to spare myself the frustration of reading those examples.

Stop enabling: Teach responsibility with love and logic, March 15, 2000
This book provides sound parenting philosophy and easy to use guidelines to apply it. As a teacher, it is clear to me which students have been raised with loving and logical parents. So many parents confuse love with protection. Parenting with love and logic means allowing your kids to make choices ... and sometimes mistakes. Some may object to the "Basic German Shepard" tactics or the idea that claims that spanking is sometimes alright. Use what you wish from the book. I have never spanked my child, nor do I order him around like a dog. To avoid a power struggle with my son who didn't want to put on his clothes or coat for a 5 minute ride home from my sister's house, I used Love and Logic principles. On a cold January evening in Michigan I carried him to the car in his underwear. Moments later, he said, "I'm cold." I simply kept driving and said, ... Perhaps next time you will make a different choice?" A natural instinct would be to cover him up and protect him from the cold. He was not injured in any way. By sticking to the principle, however, he learned two very important lessons: 1) mom is not kidding around, and 2) it's smart to wear your clothes and a coat. Since that evening, we have not struggled to get dressed. Try it!

Not suitable as an overarching parenting strategy, January 19, 2009
Many of the basic premises of this book are based in wisdom and truth. I agree with the authors that it is important for parents to raise responsible children; that it is critical for children to be allowed to learn from their mistakes; that parents should not rescue children from the consequences of their behavior; that children need the opportunity to practice decision-making in order to become responsible; that children must be presented with circumstances that cause them to reflect and internalize the choices they are making rather than have everything imposed on them externally. I also agree with the authors that parents' words are useless when not accompanied by parallel actions that demonstrate that what is said is meant, and that effective parents remain calm and not display frustration when addressing their kids.
All of these truths need to be built intentionally into effective parenting.

However, allowing children to experience natural consequences and learn from their own mistakes is simply one aspect of effective parenting. It is not the whole thing. This book advocates a comprehensive parenting philosophy built upon the effort to make all learning experiences relate to natural consequences. This is neither practical nor appropriate.

The authors assume, for instance, that basically any direct instruction from a parent to a child will be less effective than allowing the child to learn the information himself through experience. Children need parents to explain life to them, to help them unpack their mistakes, and to communicate clearly with them. Much of this can and should be done through direct, clear, respectful communication between child and parent. Direct communication does not have to be "lecture," as the authors presume and repeatedly state, and in fact, effective parenting requires the parent to learn fruitful communication methods with her child that is not in lecture-format.
The authors advocate to always "keep your mouth shut" when enforcing a consequence and "allow the consequences to do the teaching." In some cases this may be most effective, but in many cases, to avoid discussion of lessons being learned by the child is to rob him or her of the counsel that a child needs from her parent.

It is also unwise to assume that experience is always a sufficient teacher. Children lack the life experience and wisdom that parents have gained by their own decades of experience. While it is true that many lessons will need to be learned firsthand by children for them to fully `take,' it is also true that children can (and should) benefit enormously from hearing about and discussing the wisdom that parents have gained through their own life experiences. Children can receive wisdom from their parents, and it behooves parents not to assume that they can't hear it or won't want to.

Further, the authors state: "Allowing children to solve their own problems presumes an implicit, basic trust that their behavior will change as they learn from their experiences." While this is often true, it is not always true - and it is inappropriate for parents to believe that their child will gain wisdom and maturity only from being allowed to learn from their mistakes. Humans are flawed and fallen and often arrive at wrong conclusions as a result of their life experiences. Wise parents should not assume that experience alone will be a sufficient teacher.

It is also wrong to presume that allowing children to learn from their mistakes is always the most loving way to parent, as the authors state. ("Our intervention into our child's problems demonstrates a selfish love. We must rise up in a higher love - a love that shows itself in allowing our children to learn on their own.") Children need input from their parents, and oftentimes they need it to be explicit. Just because some may resist the input at the time it is rendered does not mean that to speak into their lives is unloving - or less loving than letting them learn the information themselves. Part of good parenting is teaching, and much of teaching is direct and candid - not hidden behind parental orchestration of choice-based events for the child.

One area that is wholly neglected by this book - and by advocating the consequence-based teaching method to the degree that these authors do - is the arena of authority and obedience. (It's interesting, for example, that while the authors start each chapter with a Bible passage, none of them are the classic New Testament verses on parenting that emphasize obedience such as Eph 6:1, Col 3:20, or 1 Tim 3:4). The parent-child relationship is predicated on the authority that the parent has over the child, and a wise parent will ensure that the child is taught, understands, and accepts the right role of the parent as the authority in his life that whom is expected to obey and respect. This goes against the grain children's natural desire to run and control their life, but it is critical for children to grasp and eventually accept the appropriate role of authority over them for them to succeed and thrive in society. The authors advocate parents' maintaining control but always allowing the child to believe they are in control - and in fact, a central goal advocated for parents by this book is to manipulate teaching situations so children always see themselves as in control.

This does a disservice to the child. Yes, children should be given choices, and yes, parents need to help them become independent and responsible through ensuring they have many opportunities to make decisions that have consequences. But children should also learn and come to respect the authority of their parents when it is directly applied. There is no space for this in the Love and Logic method. In fact, it is explicitly recommended against. To the authors, to directly exert authority or to employ discipline that is not consequence-based is always to be a `drill sergeant parent' - ordering their children around and rendering themselves ineffective.
Appropriately exerted authority, offered respectfully and in a balanced fashion, does not have to look like this, and actually should not look like this.

There is a balance. Parents do their children no favors when they build autonomy and independence in them at the expense of their learning to accept appropriate, respectful authority in their lives. Wise parents will teach their children to obey and respect them for their role as parents - indeed, children crave and appreciate the security that this creates in their world so long as it occurs appropriately and respectfully - while at the same fostering a willingness to accept and yield to appropriate authority from their parents.

This book serves to highlight the role of consequences to children's learning, and to their becoming responsible individuals. Some examples it provides illustrate ways that parents can effectively introduce consequences into children's lives (particularly effective for older children.) However, it takes one tenet of childrearing and tries to extend it to all of parenting, which is inappropriate and even, in some cases, is an abdication of true parenting responsibilities. Boundaries with Kids presents the majority of the same information in a manner that is much more balanced and doesn't over-extend its scope in the manner of this book.

Humane and realistic parenting with lots of love!, July 7, 1998
I have been reading parenting books for years. I read this book completely. As the adult child of an alcohol and drug councilor with 3 young children, I have taken great interest in therapy and communication techniques. I don't generally offer my opinion in reviews but I felt that this book should receive the credit that it is due. The focus of this book is to help your child to eventually become an unusually functional and mentally healthy adult. It makes a humorous, but truthful analogy of the learning patterns of very young (2 and under) children to that of dogs. It explains why, unlike a dog, children must begin to think for themselves and how to help them do that. It recognizes that some parents use corporal punishment, explains why this is sometimes effective and how to use it to the least detriment of the child, but over all discourages it and offers alternative methods of discipline. The book teaches how parents can assist instead of disrupting the child's natural process of learning. Permit a child the consequences of their own mistakes when they are young and they will learn not to make big, life changing mistakes when they are adults. Become a friend and respected confidant to your child whose opinion he respects. There are excellent, real life accounts of how to apply the techniques. Most teachers will recognize the authors names. The authors are well known and highly acclaimed in the educational field and have raised responsible, successful children themselves.

good but not entirely appropriate for non americans, July 27, 2002
i have just completed reading this book. It teaches a very good technique for parenting in which the parents let their child take responsibility of problems that are his/hers (keeping the room clean, whether or not to wear a coat outside etc). By making kids take responsibilty for their actions, parents make them more responsible in picking the right choices in life. This way parents also teach them problem solving and other important skills. The entire book is devoted to explaining this technique. The first few chapters are really valuable. I have tried the technique with my kids and they work.

One thing i didn't like about the book is that the enitre book is devoted to this same technique. The same point repeated and discussed! Also, at times one feels that making the kids always face consequences for themselves and always solve their problems themselves may be too harsh. On the other hand, maybe that is not what the authors intend to say. If it seems like the authors are carrying the point to limits, it may be because they wish to give many different situations in which their technique can be used. But it does sometime feel like the child's whole life is centered around being taught a lesson of taking care of his problems or face consequences that may be harsh.

Also, for non american parents or for people who belong to asian or other cultures, this may not be an entirely appropriate book. For example , as an Indian i would never dream of telling my mother that she needs to have my permission before disciplining my child. Or telling her something like this: "People get together on vacations either out of a sense of obligation and guilt or to have fun together. I'm wondering if you see our times together as fun".

As an Indian parent, in order to teach my kids consequences, i would also not bargain with them on the money that they will have to pay me from their allowance if they do not do xyz! Giving and taking money in family relationships is usually a no-no. In our culture, we grow up with our parents taking full care (monetary and otherwise) of us till we get married or find a job, and as adults we take care of them giving them unquestioned and unconditional love.

A year and counting, January 21, 2000
A year after our introduction to Love and Logic, my husband and I are firm believers. But I didn't start out that way. It seemed too easy, and at times, too harsh. I was reluctant to try what seemed to be pat answers to vexing parental challenges. But, after putting the principles into practice for a very short time, a little bit at a time, we saw an amazing improvement in our 6 year old son's behavior and self-esteem. Letting him experience the consequences of his actions while offering much love and empathy was a much better teacher than our lectures, tirades and punishments ever were. I would also suggest that parents of toddlers listen to the Cline/Fay tape: Toddlers, which applies the Love and Logic principles to that age group, and Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.

Many Workable Solutions for Raising Good Kids, August 28, 2003
Jim Fay believes that we must teach our children HOW to think, not just WHAT to think. I am a very "over-protective mom" and reading his book has encouraged me to stop making so many choices for my children. I am now better able to allow my child to fail and take ownership of the consequence that follows his actions without feeling so much guilt myself. Kids can definitely learn from their mistakes without losing their self-esteem. Although I do not agree nor use every strategy in this book (like "The German Shepard Technique"), I feel the Love and Logic philosophy has contributed positive change in the way we communicate with our children as well as to the degree of compliance we get from them. We like this book because there are many specific suggestions in the real life annecdotes demonstrating the exact words to try. We also recommend another book with quick-read suggestions for parents of 2, 3, 4, and 5-year-olds called 'The Pocket Parent.' This book is not written in paragraphs, but rather hundreds of short bullets of practical information. The philosophies of both authors are very similar--offering many sanity saving alternatives to yelling, bribing, threatening, critizing, and nagging that we often resort to at our wits' end.. Both books are helpful, humorous and worth keeping handy for when you need some quick advice or just some empathy on one of those really bad days when you think you are about to lose your mind! ... Read more

Editorial Review

This book chronicles the unforgettable account of one of the most severe child abuse cases in California history. It is the story of Dave Pelzer, who was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable, alcoholic mother: a mother who played tortuous, unpredictable games--games that left him nearly dead. He had to learn how to play his mother's games in order to survive because she no longer considered him a son, but a slave; and no longer a boy, but an "it."

Dave's bed was an old army cot in the basement, and his clothes were torn and raunchy. When his mother allowed him the luxury of food, it was nothing more than spoiled scraps that even the dogs refused to eat. The outside world knew nothing of his living nightmare. He had nothing or no one to turn to, but his dreams kept him alive--dreams of someone taking care of him, loving him and calling him their son.

Reviews

Inspirational story of resilience. A must read!, November 7, 1999
A Child Called "It" is a real life story about a boy who was brutally beaten and starved by his mentally disturbed and alcoholic mother. At first, David Pelzer lived a healthy and normal life with his parents and brothers. His mother, however, unexpectedly transformed into a monster, venting her anger on her helpless child. David was submerged in freezing cold water, forced to eat his own vomit, slept in the basement under the stairs, stabbed, and forced to sit on a burning stove. These are just a few of the torturous games that his mother used to play. She treated him not like her son, but like an "it". David suffered both mental and physical abuse. In order to survive from his mother's sick games, David used willpower. Through all of her torturous games, David's inner strength began to emerge.

This book is a perfect example of how the human spirit can provide strength in the toughest of situations. David's spirit helped him to survive through his mother's emotional and physical abuse. He refused to let his mother win. He had no one to help him so he learned how to fend for himself. His courage and determination saved him from all of the suffering that he endured at such a young age.

David is a living testament of resilience. His faith and personal responsibility helped him transform into an emotionally healthy and competent adult. A large percentage of emotionally and physically abused children become abusive in their adult years. The abusiveness could be a cycle, passed down from generation to generation. Their rage and pain of being abused could be turned on themselves or the ones they love. David, at a young age, showed strong signs of being a planner as well as a problem solver. These character traits, along with caring adults (nurses, teachers, social workers, etc.), help him to become resilient. David's inner strength helped him turn shame into pride and rejection into acceptance. A Child Called "It" sends an inspirational message of resilience and the human spirit. A person has the ability to leave their dark past and look forward to a better tomorrow. If David Pelter could do it than anyone can!

A Great Man of Survival, April 1, 2002
After seeing Dave Pelzer on the Oprah show, I just had to buy his first book 'The Child Called It". Well needless to say, if you truly love children you'll need a box of tissue to get through this first book. I am now Dave's third book in the series, A Man Called Dave. I shared these books with four other people and they all swear that if they ever met Dave's mother they'd probably end up in prison for what she did to this man as a boy and even later on in life. It is truly remarkable that "any" human being could possibly survive such a life like Dave has lived. Especially, when you see him on TV, he seems like such a wonderful person who has survived such a monumental life of torture at the hand of his insane mother. I can't say enough to those who read this review that when you order the first book, you'll be forced into ordering his other two. We truly found it so compelling of a story that when we all finished each book we couldn't wait to start the next hopefully to find that the wicked witch of the west would finally get hers. God Bless Dave Pelzer. There definitely will be a place in heaven for Dave when the time comes for him.

A Child Called "It", April 3, 2000
A Child Called "It" was one of the saddest stories that i have ever read in my life. This is a the first part of a trilogy. The book is about a little boys life from the time that he was 4 until he was 12. The book talks about the severe abuse and torture of a little boy. The more that I read the more that it brought me to tears to think that anyone could be so cruel to their own child. This little boy was forced to sleep in a garage on a cot with no blankets and was not considered a part of the family. Everyday this child was forced to do all the family chores and if it was not done in a very speedy manner the boy was not allowed to do anything. The child was called "the boy" as if he had no name or even existed at all. The boy was starved for days on end while the rest of the family ate like a family. If the boy was good he was able to eat the leftovers from the rest of the family's plates but never given a plate of his own to enjoy. At one time the mother didn't like that he was eating leftovers and from the trash and began to pour bleach over the food in the garbage. In another effort to either get the boy very sick or to stave him again. It got to a point that the boy was so hungry that he began stealing food from other kids lunch boxes at school. When he was caught he then would leave school at lunchtime and run all the way to the nearest store and steal what ever food that he could then he would hide it to eat later. When the boys mother found out that he was getting food some way she would make him come home from school and throw up all that he had eaten and at one time she even forced him to eat the vomit. The boys mother would also have torture sessions with the boy she locked him in a bathroom with a bucket of ammonia mixed with bleach. The boy talks about how bad that his lungs are burning and that he had to put his head near the heating vent in order to breath. There are many other sessions talked about where the mother would make him hold out his arms and burn him on the fire from the gas stove. The one that I found to be very hard to read about is when the mother actually stabed the child. This mother had no concern about the fact that the child was bleeding or that the wound had became infected. The boy kept looking to his father to be his savior but that was not what happened either. Father was a hero to the boy for years and then one day the boy realize that the rath of mother was more then father could handle either. This poor child was miss treated and abused for years with no help from anyone. I think that the biggest upset to all of this was that in the years that this happened no one really knew a lot about abuse or perhaps didn't want to get involved. Finally the school did get involved and I believe that is what saved this childs life. I am now reading the second part to this trilogy and am really looking forward to some answers to the questions that I have in my mind. Such as what happened to this mother after this child was taken away because the boy was taken. I am also wondering why the other children were not beaten like David. I am hoping that as i get done with the second book an begin the third that it all has a happy ending and that Davis's story will help a lot of other children that are going through the same thing to speak out because there is no excuse for the way that this child was treated.

One child's courage to survive, January 7, 2002
David Pelzer suffered from and survived the third worst case of child abuse in California. After living through his nightmare, he managed to re-visit his childhood and write the autobiography in a three-book sequence. His first book titled, A Child Called "It", portrays his life from when his family life was too perfect, to when each day he woke up to fight to stay alive. Throughout the book he tells of his abuse, life at home, and his only hope of living, his father. As the story progresses and the severity of David's abuse grows worse every day, he comes to the same decision; do I fight to live or hope to die?
With the exception of the first chapter, the rest of David's life is told as a flashback. The fact that the book begins with David's rescue gives you reassuring hope that soon his torture will end. The way in which David Pelzer writes, matures at the same rate as his age and character. In many instances, this makes one feel David's pain and anguish. This technique creates an imaginary sense of friendship between the reader and David. The author builds loyalty to the reader through his narrative approach. David Pelzer is uncomplicated and innocent, just as a child would be. His genuine, child-like dialogue draws you to his life, and feeds your compassion and desire to save him.
David was born to something commonly known as the "Perfect Family". His early childhood was spent on trips to the Golden Gate Bridge and Russian River where they would go camping for weeks at a time. He was born to a loving and devoted mother, a proud and brave father, and two brothers that only exceeded his own age by a few years. For whatever reason, he never explained what exactly had started his abuse. He mentions his parent's love of drinking, yet it was never mentioned to be at a cause of his dramatic lifestyle change. When the abuse begins, he mentions how he remembers his parents fighting. Yet even their marital issues never seemed to have gotten in the way of their love for their children. Throughout the book he never formally addresses a specific cause to the start of what he once thought would be the end of his life.
As his mother stripped him of his very own humanity, his spiritual self was all he had left to keep himself alive. His father, who he once thought would someday save him, gradually faded out of his life. When his dad finally moved out, David hated the world. He claimed that his far worst enemy was God, for not answering any of his prayers. David learned to hate anyone that knew of his situation, yet failed to help him. David Pelzer also learns to become his own hero. He knew that if he didn't have his own heard, he would die. Yet there were times when he even doubted that much. There are points in the book where he describes waking up and hoping that today would be the day she finally killed him and woke him from his never ending nightmare. This compelling story will take its reader from heart-wrenching torture and discipline, to David Pelzer's rescue and recovery of his own life.

A Chiled Called "It" review, May 22, 2000
Online Review

A Child Called "It" is a fascinating book! If you read this you'll want to read it all the way through and never put it down. David Pelzer remembers every detail about his childhood life. The book is about David Pelzer's life when he was young. He was beaten very severely by his mom, but his brothers never were touched harshly. His dad didn't hit him, but also didn't say anything to his wife. He just watched. David explains all the hard times he went through. For example, he explains how he had to steal food from class- mates to avoid starvation. He'd have to run home from school and clean the house. His mom would make him strip down and get into a freezing cold bath with his head underwater, only breathing through his nose for 2 hours while his brothers and their friends came in, watched him, and laughed. He would sleep in the garage with only a jacket to warm him. One time his mom turned on the gas stove, had him take off his clothes and forced his body onto the stove. His mom would put disinfectant spray all around the garage and would stick 8 year-old David in there for hours, barely breathing because if he did, he would inhale the chemicals and get even more hurt or sick. The chemicals would burn in his throat and lungs. He called that the gas chamber. Everyday he'd have to come to school and make up another story his mom would tell him, to explain all of the burns, bruises, or whatever torture his mom put him through. It was said to be the third worst case of child abuse in the state of California. This book will make you want to cry and go back and help this poor lonely kid, who didn't have any friends because his mom wouldn't let him away from torture. But now David Pelzer is an adult and writes his experiences in A Child Called "It" and the other books in his trilogy. It is by far the saddest book I have ever read, but one of the best!

A Child Called "It", March 5, 2000
I had the opportunity to see Dave at a conference and he had all of us spellbound. The fact that this atrocity had taken place is astounding enough and the fact that Dave, even as a child, had the tenactiy to endure and overcome his hellish childhood and survive is truly amazing. I have read both this book and it's sequel and I can truly say they are must read works. It is filled with personal insight to what his "life" was like and how he had the courage to endure. Not everyone who reads these books will believe his story, but I can tell you that while seeing this man before us relaying the events with such conviction and firmness with tears in his eyes made a believer out of me. No one could write books like these and call them fiction. Child abuse is real and the story Dave tells is real. If one person sees the signs after reading these I pray they too have the courage to step in and help their "Dave" out of their abusive situation. You sometimes need to "read between the lines" to find the cause for some actions as they are not clearly visible. I can't wait to get the final book in his trilogy. The saying " What doesn't kill you will make you stronger," truly fits this remarkable human and the people who helped him survive! God bless him!

Child Called "It" -Bill, December 17, 2001
"A Child Called It" by Dave Pelzer is a heart breaking account of David's childhood. The story retells all the horrors that were brought upon him by his mother as he was growing up. Even though the book is extremely sad and depressing it is wonderfully written and entertaining. I finished the book in a 2-hour sitting, I tried to put it down but I had to see what was going to happen next.

The book opens with David getting rescued from his outrageously abusive mother, which is good because as you read the rest of the depressing pages you know that it will end sometime. All of a sudden one-day David's mother begins to abuse him. First it is just verbal and emotional, but soon it escalates into horrible physical punishments. His mother makes him eat his brother's dirty diaper, he can't eat dinner with the family, and she even stabs him one day because he didn't do the dishes on time. She plays terrible mind games with David, once she told him that his punishments were over and she loved him again. He believed her and then realized it was only an act when a social worker arrived the next day to see that everything was ok. It is amazing that David lived through all of his mothers abuse and can talk about it today.

The fact that Dave Pelzer was the author of this book makes it as good as it is. No one could have written a book about David's tragic childhood better than he. He retells of the horrible events with such accuracy and emotion that no one else could get it right. Only Dave knows what was said and how it was said. It adds a feeling to the story that makes it enjoyable to read, even though it is such a sad and depressing story.

The book reads like you are having a conversation with Dave and he is telling you the story. The story is written easily and straightforward, just about anyone who can read will be able to understand this book. The way David writes makes you feel so bad for him because he doesn't feel bad for himself. He tells how he feels about certain events but never feels bad for himself, which makes the reader more depressed for him.

This book gets a huge thumbs up. Anyone would enjoy reading this book, it has its depressing parts but you know everything turns out ok because David describes getting saved in the beginning. Even though it is terribly depressing, it is also entertaining to read, and I would recommend it to anyone.

Unforgettable, October 24, 2004
This book tells the unforgettable story of a child of severe abuse. One of the worst cases probabably within the U.S. Dave Pelzer, who was brutally beaten and starved by his emotionally unstable mother, relates the story of his life. This is the first in a set of works written by Mr. Pelzer about his life. He relates to you even more about his life in his works "Lost Boy". You wonder how anyone could possibly come out of such abuse,let alone to become a respected author.
As a fan of memoirs, this is one of the most emotional books I have read. You will feel the anger and sadness...the feel of hopelessness as you read what this child had to endure. But, you also rally behind him-and await Mr. Pelzer's next books to see this courageous man overcome. Long after you have read this work, you will not be able to forget.
Along the lines of this book, "A Child Called It" and along with his other book that i have read "Lost Boy", you will also want to read "Nightmares Echo" and "Sickened". As each offers to you different perspectives of children that must endure the unbelievable and yet survive and inspire us with their works.

Long on "What"... Short on "Why", October 23, 2000
This is a truly heart wrenching story and I feel for Dave Pelzer. No one desrves what he got and it, to me, is a miracle he survivied. The book, however, left me wondering what the point was. There was no insight offered as to why his mother made such an aberrant progression from loving mother to psychotic child abuser. No "where are they now" to let you know what the outcome was. I don't know about you but I feel that a book written requiring the reader to read more books to get anything out of the first is a poorly written book.

More questions than answers, December 19, 1999
I was sexually abused when I was younger, so I am not saying that the abuse David suffered as a kid didn't happen. But there are a lot of unanswered questions in this book. Why did David's mother abuse him and not the other kids? How did his mother turn from a loving mother in Chapter 1 to someone so evil in the following chapters? Was it the alcohol, mental illness or both? Why didn't the school authorities pick on his behavior sooner, like when he was stealing food and coming to school in rags? Were the other kids also removed from the home? Why weren't charges pressed against the parents? And how could it be that David's father was too drunk and weak to stop the abuse, yet, he was still able to work as a firefighter? Maybe I am missing something or maybe these questions are answered in the sequels. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Uniquely personal gift book that expresses to the recipient the elegant sentiment: "Your life is important to me. I value where you've been, what you've done and who you are. Please tell me more." Enables the recipient to write his or her life story and perspective with ease by answering almost 500 thought-provoking questions right in the book. Passes along a legacy of wisdom and knowledge gained from experience. Preserves special memories and instills appreciation for family history. Enhances personal growth and strengthens bonds with loved ones. Deepens understanding and communication in the present. Creates a priceless heirloom for future generations. ... Read more

Reviews

All the questions you've ever wanted your kids to know.
The story of a lifetime is a wonderful book. Not only is the flow of the book very easy to follow, it can be started at any point in life. Whether you want to keep an ongoing story of your life, or just want to remember and leave behind a legacy. The questions are clear and simple yet very thought provoking. An excellent gift to or from parents. I love the fact that all of the questions are already there, it's up to the writer to answer the questions he or she wants. I am definitely looking forward to leaving this reminder of me to my family.

Fantastic, An extremely thoughtful gift
Far and away the best way I have come across to bring out all the hidden and forgotten memories of a lifetime, some of which may bring tears as well as smiles to your face. I can now pass on to my children, and their children my experiences and thoughts. I intend to purchase one for my wife as soon as I can squeeze it into my Social Security budget. Many thanks to the author.

Best gift I ever received.
This book is the most unique gift I have ever received. Ever since my daughter gave it to me, I can't put it down. I was touched by her wish to have me preserve things about my life. It is such a wonderful idea and the questions have brought a flood of memories. Now I feel I can say everything I want to say to my children and grandchildren. I recommend it for anyone.

The most thoughtful gift!
I discovered the story of a Lifetime book in a quaint little store in Chicago and bought 3 copies for friends and relatives. The response I received was unexpected, each individual seperatly shared with me that it was either the nicest gift or the most touching gift they had ever recieved. I opened a unique store of my own in Michigan in Dec. 2000 and decided to carry The Story of a Lifetime book as one of my gift items, 8 months later the book is still my # 1 selling gift item! Enough said!?!

Great way to learn about your family & your self!
I gave this book to my Grandmother for Christmas last year. She was a little overwhelmed by it at first, because of its thickness. After I assured her that she didn't have to answer all the questions, that she could skip around and do a little at a time, she began to tackle it. When I visited her for Thanksgiving, I found the book on her coffee table, with several pages of questions answered. I learned about her parents and grandparents, and then some--one of my anscestors fought in the Revolutionary War! What she wrote about her childhood helped me understand her better and appreciate what she went through. I look forward to reading what else she has to write, and I'm sure this book will become a family treasure for years & generations to come!

The best gift I've ever given (from my mother-in-law!).
I got this book for my mother-in-law and she loves it. The first day she had it, she spent almost the entire day writing. She's told all of her friends and they are now wanting the book for themselves and their parents who may still be living. What better way to tell someone you care than to let them know you want to know all about their lives and want your children to know as well, so it will never be forgotten how wonderful they are. Now the only problem is, which grandchild gets the book when she's done!

A Book of Memories that Will Never Die
I bought this book for my grandmother when she was 80 years old. The many hours spend talking about her answers and then writing them for her when writing got difficult was the most rewarding time I have ever spent with her. She died when she was 92, so her funeral was a celebration of a fulfilled life. The book was the center of the family gatherings. The answers and stories in it brought back forgotten memories, gave us hours of laughter and tears, and informed her childen of things they never knew-- such as the time she got stuck in the barn and her first kiss. My next project is to work through the book with my husband's grandmother and to look forward to reading the stories in years to come. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Whether you're a veteran grandma or a Nana-to-be, this collection of stories will warm your heart and make you laugh about the universal experiences of being a grandmother: the phone call that announces your baby will become a mom herself; the first time you hold the most beautiful grandson or granddaughter in the world; and the day you're on baby-sitting duty and realize that major issues are minor infractions best solved with love instead of lectures.

This book celebrates the memories we make and the times we cherish with grandmothers: the women who can both spoil and be stern; who provide unconditional love and invaluable wisdom; who can share sage advice while sharing an ice cream.

Chicken Soup for the Grandma's Soul is the perfect thank-you to grandmothers everywhere- those special women who enrich our lives with joy and love.

Reviews

Lovely, October 16, 2005
This book was purchased for my mother, who called to ask me why I gave her a book that would make her cry! Actually, she loved it. It's a great book, as are the so many other in this series. The only complaint I have is that eventually the book ends.

This book honors grandmothers and grandchildren alike., December 17, 2005
Chicken Soup for the Grandma's Soul is a sentimental treasury of memories gleaned from the hearts of grandmothers. This book will make you laugh and make you cry as you read about real life experiences as only a grandma can relay. What a wonderful book for the new grandma or the grandma with a dozen grandchildren. This book is a legacy for grandchildren, written by those who love them in a special way: the grandmas.

I finally found it!, May 13, 2007
My Grandma loves the chicken soup books. I knew there was one for Grandma's, but couldn't find it anywhere. I found it on Amazon and gave it to her for Christmas. She loved it.

Grandma says she cant put it down!, January 7, 2010
Bought this for granny for xmas and when the internet went down she couldnt put this book down even after the net was back up and running...says it is a great book and full of funny and thoughtful stories. Would buy again and highly recommend.

Wonderful, May 4, 2008
I bought 2 of this book for each of my son's grandma's. These stories definitely make you laugh and cry. I am big fan of Chicken soup books and own several myself. ... Read more

Editorial Review

This indispensable book explores the emotional, financial, and even physical changes the father-to-be may experience during his partner's pregnancy. Written in an easy-to-absorb format and filled with sound advice and practical tips for men on such topics as, how to make sense of your conflicting emotions, how pregnancy affects your sex life, and how to start a college fund. This volume reassures, commiserates, and informs. It also incorporates the wisdom of top experts in the field, from obstetricians and birth-class instructors to psychologists and sociologists. This new edition features the latest research on many topics (and there's a ton of it), from expanding sections on overcoming infertility, in vitro, artificial insemination, and other tech-assisted pregnancies, especially where dad is not the biological parent, to updating the sections on childbirth to reflect the fact that about 80 per cent of deliveries are now done with epidurals and new information on c-sections as well. Sections on prenatal communication and education are also be expanded.There will be an overall, top-to-bottom review of the content to make sure all the information is relevant to today's young and senior dads. ... Read more

Reviews

My Book About Me, April 19, 2003
A quick Amazon search reveals 3,523 pregnancy books on the market. How many of these are written for the mother? About 3,510. A dozen others use sarcasm and exaggerated humor -- often at the expense of the pregnant mother -- rather than useful information to draw the heathen male into the future world of parenting. There has got to be a better way for a father-to-be to learn what he has gotten himself into.

Fortunately there is. The Expectant Father is that 3,523rd book. It is a well-written, month-by-month explanation of what is going on both emotionally and physically with the mother, the baby, and you the father. At 250 pages plus references, it is packed with information while still being portable. It doesn't necessarily go into a great amount of detail on each subject, but it mentions most important things at least in passing, and you can always refer to the Internet or What to Expect... (which your partner will undoubtedly have on her nightstand) for more details.

Be forewarned: this book is slightly new-agey at points. But hey, Brott is just offering suggestions that the reader is free to ignore. Overall this is a useful reference written with the father-to-be in mind as a principal reader, not an afterthought.

Good information; a lot to think about, March 13, 2000
My wife bought this book for me during our fourth pregnancy. We both enjoyed reading it - I to read the perspective of another father and her to see if I was doing things the way I was supposed to. All in all, the book provides a broad spectrum of information for fathers-to-be - including everything from the physical and emotional changes occurring to the mother to how to plan for your financial future as a dad. The Expectant Father got me to thinking on many occasions and served as a starting point for many pregnancy-related conversations with my wife. Two other books I highly recommend are: A Child is Born which contains outstanding pictures and explanations of the development of the baby, and We're Pregnant!, a great book to read together because it was written by an expecting couple and provides a true-to-life rendition of the ever-changing life of expecting parents.

The best book on pregnancy for guys that I've read, December 31, 1999
The author has the idea that the sooner dads get involved in being parents the better they'll be and that the best time to get involved is during pregnancy. I know this is true for me. I know it sounds funny but I felt like I was a real participant in the pregnancy. Yeah, my wife was carrying the baby but I was going through a lot of psychological stuff too and this is the only book out there that dealt with what my issues at all.

I read this book twice--the first time when my wife and I were expecting our son and then again during the months before the daughter we'd adopted from Korea arrive. Both times I was amazed at how calming and educational and really funny this book was. I'd never been a dad before. Never even held a baby before my wife got pregnant and I wasn't too sure about what to do. Of course it's all pretty natural, but this book really made me realize that all the worries I was having were normal and it gave me lots of great ideas of ways to be more involved in the process. It also got me thinking about the kind of father I wanted to be and whether I wanted to be the kind of dad my dad was or some other kind.

Being a father is really important for me and this book has made me a much better dad. I've been reading the next books in the series and they're just as reassuring and helpful.

Thanks, Mr. Brott!

PS I've caught my wife looking through the book and she's told me that it helped her understand me a lot better and made her see how important it is to me to be a good parent.

This is the ONLY book to buy for expectant dads, October 1, 2001
My wife just had our first child a few months ago. While she was pregnant two of our friends gave me copies of The Expectant Father, which they recommended highly. I have to agree. I'd been reading my wife's pregnancy books, which were absolutely useless--they barely mentioned dads at all except to say that I should be sensitive to my wife's needs, which I already knew. And I'd checked out a few of the other pregnancy books for dads but they were so condescending and insulting that I practically gave up reading altogether.

This book is completely different. It deals with men's concers in a straightforward, sensitive, funny way. It's filled with very insightful information that helped me make sense of the feelings I was having during my wife's pregnancy and activities that I could do to stay involved. It's not always easy to take the stand to be an involved dad and this book helped me realize that I wasn't alone in what I was going through. I know that this book has helped me be a better father than I ever would have before. I'll be giving it to all my buddies whose wives are expectant. AND, I've already started the next book in the series, The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year. It's great too!

The best book I've seen for new fathers., January 11, 2002
My appreciation for "The Expectant Father" grows as I read more fatherhood books. Most authors spend 90% of their book trying to convince new fathers that fatherhood really isn't so bad, that we should be nice to the mother and perhaps show up for a doctor's appointment once in a while. For those of us who are already excited about the prospect of having a child, this tact doesn't cut it.

Brott certainly advocates being involved during the pregnancy, but he spends much more time explaining how to be involved. Topics from when to tell your friends about the pregnancy to financial planning are covered. More unusually for fatherhood books, Brott describes what the mother is experiencing and how the baby is developing. This has been extremely helpful as my wife's pregnancy has progressed.

I keep this book handy, and refer to it at least monthly.

For dads-to-be to participate in expecting, January 12, 2000
A wonderful way for men to begin the process of becoming expectant fathers. This book has sound advice on medical and psychological aspects of pregnancy and birth for both mom and dad. It maintains a sense of humor, and a supportive tone that both involves dads in the pregnancy and addresses their hopes and fears about becoming a parent. This is not the most exhaustive book on pregnancy or parenting, but it's not meant to be. The sections on "what she might be feeling" and "what you might be feeling" are tremendously valuable as both reference points and as a basis for communication. It works well as a resource for expectant parents, and a good conversation starter on sometimes sensitive issues of fatherhood.

New Dad's to be MUST buy this book!, June 26, 1997
This is a must buy for a brand new dad. Of all the books that I have bought on having a new baby, this proved to be the most informative and the book that I return to on a regular basis as a reference. It not only addresses the development of the baby, but the development of the new family. I found that it's insight into the emotional changes that my wife and I were experiencing were remarkably synchopated with our actual experience. I also found it to be very easy to read and follow. I would describe it as an ideal companion book to 'the girlfriends guide to pregnancy', and would recommend both new parents to read both books to get the male and female perspective of the experience. If you have to buy one book as a new daddy, have this be the one. I have just purchased the follow-on book, 'the new father' with the hopes that it equally illuminates the first year of the newborn.

Pregnant? Get this for your husband NOW!!, October 1, 2001
My husband wasn't interested at all in reading anything about my pregnancy. I marked passages out of some of the books I have but I have to admit I'm not surprised that he didn't read them--not a lot there. But when my mom got him this book he changed completely. He'd sit over there on his side of the bed and read and chuckle and not and then we'd have these really amazing conversations about what he was feeling about becoming a dad. Knowing that he cared so much really helped me to be able to talk to him about what I was feeling too.

What was really interesting was that he seemed to be having so much fun that I started reading this book too. I learned so much about him and about what men are thinking about as they become fathers.

I credit this book not only for bringing out the great dad in my husband (I knew it was there all along) but for making our marriage better too. Sounds like a lot but it's totally true.

Easy to read, entertaining, informative, March 24, 2003
My husband and I have a pile of books on pregnancy. Most of the books written for women dwell on the many problems that can arise (both serious and mundane) during pregnancy. Dreary. Not a single one of the others contains word one about planning for college or any financial issue. In fact, one of my books advises me not to worry about finances because "that's the father's department." Pretty ridiculous since he will be staying at home and I (the mother) will be working full time.

This book, unlike those, does address this issue very competently. It is, I think, one of the best pregnancy books we have (i.e. I can't stand the supremely pedantic "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and think "Your Pregnancy Week by Week," while not pedantic, has no information the other does not.)

This book contains many useful facts for the father to be and is written in such a way as to be helpful to mother and father. My husband has absorbed more dos and don't during pregnancy from this one book than I have in reading 5 other books. It contains an excellent list of questions to ask your obstetrician. Things everyone needs to know but may never think to ask.

Bottom line - we love this book and would recommend it to anyone expecting a baby. It is easy reading while being informative and doesn't overdo the medical lingo (or the whole medical issue).

Some good thoughts, some a little obvious, November 3, 1999
As an expectant father for the fourth time, I read this book wondering what it would tell me that I didn't already know. For the most part, I felt I had instinctively done many of the things that The Expectant Father seemed to feel I needed to be told to do. In a way, it was reassuring to hear that I was actually a politically correct dad - at times though, I felt like the authors were stating the obvious. Bottom line, I think the idea behind The Expectant Father is great and if men read this book with the thought that it might provide them with some additional good ideas to try while their wife is pregnant, then it can be a very worthwhile book. A book I read right after finishing The Expectant Father was We're Pregnant!, a realistic and often funny look at life as expectant parents from both the father and the mother's perspective. The father-to-be's comments weren't always politically correct but speaking from experience, they were honest. Both books are good resources for father's and father's-to-be. When my first child was born eight years ago, it was hard to find any resources for men and now there are several. Read them and enjoy. ... Read more

Editorial Review

The famous:
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse The stockings were hung by the chimney with care In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there... ... Read more

Reviews

Twas the format before proofed, December 26, 2010
With close to default Kindle settings, the images are not on the same page as the corresponding text. This cannot be seen from the sample, since it contains only the title pages and the first page of the introduction. Switching to landscape doesn't resolve either, nor text sizing.

Do you remember this old poem!, December 4, 2010
It's the cute little old poem about the mouse ran up the clock. I didn't even know it was in a book just thought it was a poem. Brought back a lot of memories. Beautiful!!! ... Read more

Editorial Review

Your Girlfriends, of course -- at least, the ones who've been through the exhilaration and exhaustion, the agony and ecstasy of pregnancy. Four-time delivery room veteran Vicki Iovine, "the Carrie Bradshaw of pregnancy" (Wall Street Journal), talks to you the way only a best friend can -- in the book that will go the whole nine months for every mother-to-be. Now, in this newly revised and updated edition, get the lowdown on all those little things that are too strange or embarrassing to ask, practical tips, and hilarious takes on everything pregnant.

What Really Happens to Your Body -- from morning sickness and gas to eating everything in sight -- and what it's like to go from being a babe to having one.

The Many Moods of Pregnancy -- why you're so irritable/distracted/ tired/light-headed (or at least more than usual).

Plus, the latest scoop on . . .

Staying Stylish -- You may be pregnant, but you can still be the fashionista you've always been (or at least you don't have to look like a walking beach ball) --wearing the hippest designers and proudly showing off your bump.

Pregnancy Is Down to a Science -- from in vitro fertilization to scheduled C-section, the latest technology provides so many options, alternatives, and tests, it can all be downright confusing.

. . . and much more! For a reassuring voice or just a few good belly laughs, turn to this straight-talking guide on what to really expect when you're expecting. ... Read more

Reviews

Fun and Frustrating, October 5, 2006
"The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy" is a difficult book to rate. Vicki Iovine's honesty and sense of humor about pregnancy deserves 5 stars. If you find pregnancy difficult for even a moment, this book will be a great comfort to you. It is a delightful antidote to the dry, frightening pregnancy books that flood the market.

But I found myself angry with a couple of the positions Vicki takes and how she presents them, especially regarding natural childbirth. This is why I knocked my rating down to 3 stars. She seems to take it quite personally that some women make birth choices different from her own, and she goes out of her way to be quite rude and petty about it.

The Good Stuff
* Vicki Iovine really and truly understands how traumatic pregnancy weight gain can be. We live in a society where we are taught to hate and fear getting fat, and we cannot just turn that lesson off when we get pregnant. It is HARD to go to the doctor and get weighed all the time, and be judged on if our gain is "acceptable" or not. Vicki gets this, she genuinely does, and it is such a joy to read her rants about it. You're not alone in being scared to step on the scale.

* The Guide includes a realistic, down-to-Earth discussion of what you really need to buy for your new baby, and what you can skip. A huge blessing for new moms!

* Much of Vicki's advice is wonderfully specific. For instance, she doesn't just tell you that you need to bring an outfit to the hospital for the baby to wear home - she tells you exactly what kind of outfit will work the best. She does honestly seem to remember what it's like to be a first-time mom and just not know these things.

* Vicki points out her own way of doing things, but she often describes the different choices her own girlfriends made. It is helpful to have realistic options and know that one way doesn't always work for everybody.

The Bad Stuff
* This book is downright hostile toward mothers who do not have epidurals. Vicki actively discourages women from considering unmedicated birth. She tells her readers that no matter how they feel about epidurals before they go into labor, they will ALL want one as soon as they get to the hospital, anyway, so they should just get used to the idea of having one. She also makes the highly unlikely claim that, even though she seems to have an endless list of girlfriends, she doesn't know a single woman who refused an epidural (except for medical reasons). She stoops so low as to claim that women who birth naturally have uglier faces after delivery. I don't know why she is so aggressive about this, but it is really off-putting. Even if you're not considering natural childbirth yourself, her tone is just downright catty and mean.

* Similarly, she chastises women who are disappointed to end up with c-sections. While she is totally supportive of a mother's turbulent emotions in just about everything else, she states that regretting a c-section is a sign of "self-centeredness." Even though she admits that a few of her girlfriends struggle with this problem. She suddently becomes very cold and uncaring when she covers this topic. Again, she seems to take it personally that some women regret c-sections, simply because she had one. I wish she could be a little more objective.

* Vicki contradicts herself frequently. She is happy to encourage women to embrace the natural process when it comes to weight gain, for instance. But she has no use for the natural process when it comes to birth - she thinks everyone should induce labor at a convenient moment.

* She is sympathetic and understanding about weight gain, but admits that she started out, pre-pregnancy, a size 4. Her definition of getting "big" is pushing a size 10. Most women can't relate to that.

* Vicki does actually suggest that if you don't have sex with your husband during pregnancy, he will get anxious and cheat on you. She has a very narrow and unfair opinion of men.

* She does not tell women not to exercise at all, but she does discourage *vigorous* exercise. This did not bother me. However, her approach did bother me. She goes to great lengths to tell you that if something goes wrong with the baby, and you have been exercising, you will blame yourself. This is true, but it's also true if you don't exercise at all. Mothers always blame themselves - if, God forbid, something happens to your baby and all you did was go to the grocery store that day, you will blame yourself for going to the store. A pregnant woman cannot insulate herself from guilt. Vicki seems to be aware of this, except when it comes to the things she takes personally. And exercise is one of those things. She is annoyed with women who try and "control" their pregnancies by exercising a lot. But she has no proof that this is actually a bad thing. It seems to bother her merely because it is not what she chose to do. Again, her tendency to be dismissive toward women who make other choices is very annoying.

* If you read the 1995 version of this book, the chapter on maternity clothing is hopelessly outdated. But this may be remedied in the second edition that is currently in the works.


Overall, this book is refreshing, fun, and comforting. It will make you feel better about being pregnant. But take Vicki Iovine's rants about epidurals, exercise, and c-sections with a large grain of salt.

A funny and informative guide., August 10, 2009
I have to admit I was a bit reticent to get this one as there was some negativity about it. However, I am SO glad I listened to my gut instead of these others. It is one of the best books on pregnancy ever. I found out so much that I needed to know, that even my own doctor will not tell me, that I came away feeling better about the whole thing. So, if you are looking for a guide to pregnancy that will really, really tell you like it is, get this one. Another good one is: Really Pregnant! Confessions of a New Mom-To-Be or Why I Couldn't Stop Eating Brownies.

Humorous --- relax, everybody!, December 13, 1999
I thought this book was great! How refreshing to hear that it's ok if you eat refined sugar a few times while you're pregnant! What a plus to know you're not the only one who feels fat and unattractive because you're bloated, etc!

A couple of things I disagree with other reviewers about:

1) Some reviewers felt that Vicki hated being pregnant. I didn't get that feeling at all. I just felt she was being realistic that pregnancy is sometimes very hard on your body. It probably won't be the nine months of your life when you feel the healthiest and most relaxed.

2) She never said not to exercise! Folks, if you actually read the whole book (unlike some people who read one or two paragraphs), you'll realize that she does recommend walking and things like water aerobics. What she doesn't recommend (and which she felt may have endangered two of her own pregnancies) is strenuous weight lifting. Based on what I've read, many ob's agree with that.

I feel that alot of the reviewers may be basing negative comments on a couple of paragraphs read in a bookstore (some even say as much), which isn't quite fair.

Overall, I thought it was a great book, and while I may not agree with her on every little point, Vicki has certainly provided me with alot of laughs and alot of starting points for discussions with my obstetrician, my husband, etc.

Short on science, long on babble, January 10, 2007
First, I think it's worth stating the (nearly) obvious: that every woman's pregnancy is a bit different. That said, this book is just out of date and--while apparently funny to some--tiresome in its "I can tell you what the medical community won't" schtick. Most problematic, I think, is the long diatribe against exercise, especially the way Iovine couches the whole discussion in terms of appearance and the American woman's need to look good and her inability to let go and do what nature is telling her to do. She says "Exercise will not help you in labor or delivery in any way." (98) This is simply untrue based on MANY studies (two are: Med Sci Sports Exerc. 1995, May;27(5):634-40; Am J Obstet Gynecol. 1990 Dec;163(6 Pt 1):1799-805). It's just irresponsible for Iovine to suggest that "you might engander the pregnancy" and then to further manipulate the reader emotionally with "even if you don't endanger the pregnancy, if something goes wrong, you will forever wonder if you're exercising caused it." (100)

This section alone is reason to avoid the book. Ms. Iovine is speaking authoritatively based on little more than anecdote and what amounts to folk-wisdom. In writing for mothers-to-be, one would hope for a modicum of science would enter the dialogue. To ignore it is to do the readership a disservice.

The most condescending, ignorant, untrue pregnancy book out there, February 19, 2006
I really hated this book. Because I did spend money on it, I did read it all the way through, although very grudgingly. I have a FANTASTIC sense of humor and hardly anything offends me, but this woman managed to do it. Her whiny, self-important, condescending attitude actually made me hurl the book at a wall...and that wasn't just pregnancy hormones. It was THAT bad.

Ms. Iovine, a former Playboy playmate, would like you to believe that she is on YOUR side - she and her bevy of what I'm convinced are imaginary girlfriends. However, she goes on about what an evil thing pregnancy is and that it will rob you of your body and good looks...FOREVER. She clearly states numerous times that after having a baby you will be fat, overweight, unattractive, and have saggy breasts. This was one of the first books I bought after finding out I was pregnant and didn't know what to expect. I literally cried after reading it thinking my life was over. I was surprised Ms. Iovine doesn't have a Smith & Wesson ad in the back of her book. The "you might as well die" tone just unsettled me.

She is obviously unhappy with herself and her life and is looking to bring others down with her. She's like the girl who claims to be your "friend" but gives you backhanded comments every chance she gets (eg. "Oh, wow...those pants really make your butt not look as huge as it really is!"). In reality, I think SHE was probably too lazy to exercise after pregnancy and expects you to throw in the towel, too, and be just as miserable as she is.

For anyone else depressed after reading this, I had my baby and lost all the weight and now have six-pack abs and my breasts don't sag even after six months of breastfeeding. My husband DOES still find me attractive and my life didn't end. Thank you for nothing, Vicki Iovine and your fellow whiny, former size 4 girlfriends.

If you want the "I've been there" assurance from a non-catty girlfriend who is looking out for YOU with laugh-out-loud humor, buy 'Belly Laughs' by Jenny McCarthy or 'Pregnancy Sucks' by Joanne Kimes. Where I wouldn't have a cup of decaf and discuss my burgeoning belly with Ms. Iovine, I'd glady do so with McCarthy and Kimes.

An expectant dad's perspective, January 7, 2004
I'm fully aware that as a expectant dad, I'm not in the "girlfriends" club this book is aimed at; however, I've read all the "What to expect..." type books that my wife has bought or have been given to us, and this was the worst of the lot and the only one I actually found offensive. I thought it might give some insight into what my wife is going through, but instead it told me that I'm an insensitive clod who doesn't really care what she's going through. And that men are just lying when they compliment their wives' changing bodies (not true!) among other absurd stereotypes. This book is a great way to plant the seeds of doubt in a pregngant women's mind and create division between expectant parents. If that's what you want, go for it.

WARNING!!!, November 17, 2002
If you are overweight, or even sensitive about your weight, don't read this book! Iovine can't resist saying "fat" without adding "and ugly" and she states in the beginning that overweight couch potatoes are not welcome in her circle of "girlfriends." Towards the end of the book, she discusses the pregnant waddle, and reasons that all fat people waddle a bit anyway. She sympathizes with her husband for not being attracted to her. After all, you wouldn't want to sleep with someone as fat as you, right? And she confides that her maternity wardrobe ran all the way up to a (gasp) size ten! The horror!
Although this book was very entertaining and had some good information, I got tired of being slapped every couple of pages. The author simply can't resist seperating her temporarily round self from those of us who struggle with our weight all the time. Does she not realize that the average American woman is a size 14? I really felt like I was reading this book as an outsider, so I waited until a skinny friend got pregnant and gave it to her.
And by the way, Ms. Iovine, I am a size 16 and my husband can't keep his hands off me. It would take a lot more than pregnancy and dark roots to push him away. If your husband is that picky about your looks, I feel sorry for you.

The essential pregnancy companion, February 7, 2000
A friend sent me this book early in my pregnancy, and I read it cover to cover immediately. Then it resided on my night table (where I revisited newly relevant passages) until it was supplanted by "The Girlfriend's Guide To The First Year." I found it to be very comical, in a warm,reassuring and friendly way. While Vicky is definitely a little too preoccupied with her size 4 body, who among us is not a bit insecure in our body image, no matter what size we are? The point is, this is not a serious reference book.There are many of those available and you should have at least one. This book instead will make you realize that you are not alone; that the wonderful and yet utterly strange things you are experiencing are not unique. At the same time you feel that your complete absorbtion with your own little world is validated-Vicki tells you-"we've all been there!" If you are the first among your sisters and friends to be pregnant, you need this book! If you are not the first, well, its always nice to have new friends.

Not for everyone - not for me!, May 29, 2003
I have never written an Amazon review before, but I was so annoyed by this book that I just had to write one. The book was recommended to me by several people, so maybe I'm in the minority. I'm an avid reader with a good sense of humor, but I failed to see what's so funny or insightful about the "Girlfriends' Guide." I found it to be poorly written, sloppily edited and more irritating than amusing. Vicki Iovine bears no resemblance to my girlfriends. Her viewpoint strikes me as very west-coast-white-upper-middle-class, and much in her book seems dated (leggings with stirrups are her number one fashion tip!). "Girlfriends' Guide" reads like a slightly lewd "Cathy" comic strip without the pictures. She reinforces all sorts of stereotypes of women in general (vain, self-centered) and pregnant women in particular (irrational, grotesquely bloated) that I don't find to be true, much less funny. While I do think there's a market out there for a light-hearted, non-scientific "tell it like it is" book about pregnancy, this isn't the one for me. If you consider yourself smart and literary, you might be disappointed too. I suggest you read a chapter or two in a bookstore before you buy. That's what I should have done.

1st Time Mom was reassured by this book, August 31, 1999
I'm amazed at the lack of humor the people who rated this low have. I was relieved to read this book, that told me that not everything was as pastel and beautiful like in a tampon commercial. I think this book was valuable in not expecting women to live up to a ridiculous television peaches and cream standard, and not to expect your husbands to handle it like some understanding guy on a pregnancy test commercial. Vicki's attitude did not strike me as cynical, it struck me as realistic! Sorry to bust your bubble all you "beautiful pregnancy" girls, but throwing up in the morning, having sciatic nerve pressure, and worrying about the amnio (that I eventually refused) was NOT beautiful. Vicki made me feel OK to feel this way. I really got the idea that she loved pregnancy, but would have appreciated someone tell her what was really gonna happen. Plus, I read the "what to expect" books as well. You use both and glean your own perspective from both. Vicki's was the only perspective on the market that socked it to you real, instead of those new-age-music, "oh what a gentle wonderful time" -- and she could laugh at the same time. Same attitude I want to raise my kids with! ... Read more

Editorial Review

As devoted readers of Adriana Trigiani's New York Times bestselling novels know, this "seemingly effortless storyteller" (Boston Globe) frequently draws inspiration from her own family history, in particular from the lives of her two remarkable grandmothers, who have found their way into all Trigiani's cherished novels. In Don't Sing at the Table, this much-beloved writer has gathered their estimable life lessons, revealing how her grandmothers' simple values have shaped her own life, sharing the experiences, humor, and wisdom of her beloved mentors to delight readers of all ages.

Lucia Spada Bonicelli (Lucy) and Yolanda Perin Trigiani (Viola) lived through the twentieth century from beginning to end as working women who juggled careers and motherhood. From the factory line to the family table, Lucy and Viola, the very definition of modern women, cut a path for their granddaughter by demonstrating moxie and pluck in their fearless approach to life, love, and overcoming obstacles.

Lucy's and Viola's traditions and spiritual fortitude will encourage you to hold on to the values that make life rich and beautiful. Their entrepreneurial spirit will inspire you to take risks and reap the rewards. And their remarkable resilience in the face of tragedy will be a source of strength and comfort.

Trigiani visits the past to seek answers to the essential questions that define the challenges women face today at work and at home. This is a primer, grand-mother to granddaughter, filled with everyday wisdom and life lessons that are truly "tiramisu for the soul" (The Examiner), handed down with care and built to last.

Reviews

A wonderful gift, November 11, 2010
Fans of Adriana Trigiani's novels will recognize the women in her non-fiction book- her grandmothers Lucy and Viola have appeared in many of the characters in her fiction. Not only does Trigiani do a marvelous job of recounting the fascinating life stories of these women, she uses their lives to write a primer for living your own life.
Women like Lucy and Viola are the people who made this country great, and they jump off the pages in this delightful book. They have more than their fair share of troubles, (both of them are widowed), but their sheer will and strength of character will inspire other women to persevere and succeed as they did.
Although she is an Italian immigrant, Lucy moves to Minnesota and takes on the stoic characteristics of American midwesterners. She loses her husband at an early age and raises her three children on her own, all while running her own business. Viola was a pistol, running her own clothing factory, raising her family, entertaining friends in her lovely home, traveling.
Both women had terrific advice for their granddaughter, and the way that Trigiani structures the book, first telling their life stories, then sharing the how living their lives were examples we could all follow today, makes this book so enjoyable. DON'T SING AT THE TABLE would make a great gift for the women in your life, both those starting out and those whose wisdom should be shared with their own families.

Will attract new readers who have yet to discover the delights of a Trigiani novel., November 15, 2010
Adriana Trigiani's many fans won't be surprised to learn how the strength, support and inspiration she has gleaned from her beloved grandmothers inform her work. In these stories, we meet the ladies themselves: Lucy (Lucia Spada Bonicelli) and Viola (Yolanda Perin Trigiani). Lucy and Viola possessed many strengths and talents, both similar and complementary, for their granddaughter to admire and emulate. It's a pleasure to learn of their lives through these lively, descriptive and heartfelt anecdotes.

Lucy's story begins as the eldest of eight children, living in the Italian Alps. The family fell upon hard times. Their circumstances were so dire, in fact, that Lucy offered to travel with her father to the United States to find work. They planned to send money home and then eventually return to buy a house that would make the family secure. When she finally arrived here, Lucy found a job in a mill operating a sewing machine that paid $2 a week. She also met her future husband, a handsome shoemaker named Carlo Bonicelli. Theirs was not only a love match; they were a working team, with Carlo opening a shoe shop while Lucy ran her own dressmaking business. When Lucy was just 35, she was a widow. Still, she managed to raise a family and send her children to college by selling factory-made shoes and by sewing and altering garments. Although she had no blood relations nearby, she built a community of friends who were always available for her and her kids.

Yolanda Trigiani was called Viola --- except for the business she owned with her husband, "The Yolanda Manufacturing Company." She grew up on a farm and always believed in a productive but gracious home life. Even as she kept a perfect home, she ran her business in a constant quest for flawlessness. Like Lucy, Yolanda began working in a factory at a young age. As a testament to her drive, she ably made the leap from working girl to eventually owning her own factory. Viola was an ambitious, hard-working businesswoman, determined that their business would succeed. Details about the workings of the factory are quite fascinating.

Trigiani's love, respect and admiration for Lucy and Viola are obvious in her warm and descriptive writing. She tells us that Viola's urgency, passion and dedication are qualities that she draws upon for her writing. As a legacy from both grandmothers, she learned how to parent (some of those child-rearing theories, such as the admonition not to be a child's friend, are intriguingly contrary to many popular notions). She also draws on their examples of how to maintain friendships and how to be a valuable part of the community. Each grandmother, although constantly busy, managed to make time for a personal spiritual quest. This inspires their granddaughter, who describes her own feelings about religion and spirituality in an absorbing essay.

While DON'T SING AT THE TABLE is sure to appeal to Adriana Trigiani's fans, it should also attract new readers who have yet to discover the delights of a Trigiani novel. These lucky souls are likely to be struck by the generous spirit of the author, who invites us into her family so that we, too, can enrich our lives by gleaning wisdom from these remarkable women. Lucy and Viola would certainly approve.

--- Reviewed by Terry Miller Shannon

Inspirations, November 14, 2010
As an avid reader who follows the work of a certain author, I often wonder where they get their story lines, and how they develop their characters.. Adriana Trigiani not only writes fantastic novels, creating memorable characters, but in writing "Don't Sing At The Table", exposed who were the women behind the creation of some of the best characters. I clearly see her grandmothers in my favorite character, Nella Castelluca, the heroine in the novel, Queen of the Big Time .All of Adriana's female characters are women of strength and determination, much like the many of the women I knew growing up.

As an Italian American woman, I related to Adriana's grandmothers. Many of my generation had grandmothers & great-aunts who were self-employed, independent, whose husbands served in the United States Military during World War I (the forgotten war), got their citizenship, and during that time, their wives became automatic citizens once they married. Many lost their husbands at a young age, most didn't remarry. My own grandmother set priorities and raised my mother alone, working hard at sometimes more than one job, while running a household.

I saw my own grandfather and great-uncles in her grandfather. These were people, though they were immigrants, were much more at ease in the American culture. All of that generation had a strong sense of identity, they were comfortable with who they were. They had a set of rules that not only they followed but expected everyone else to adhere to. Adriana emphasized how important their expectations were. She also did a great job of blending the old world and the new world. She devoted a few pages explaining how much outsourcing has affected us..how we have lost quality and craftsmanship. All in all, I highly recommend this book if you are a Trigiani fan, as she has let you into her life. It gives you an understanding on what inspires Adriana Trigiani.

... Read more

Editorial Review

Skate ramps, zip lines, go-carts, and more! In this super-fun book, Todd Davis extreme sports athlete and host of HGTV's Over Your Head presents 25 awesome projects for dads to build with their kids. Busy dads can choose projects that range from simple to challenging and take anywhere from five minutes to a full weekend. Readers are given all the directions they need to grab materials that can be found around the house or at the local hardware store and get to work banging up a sweet BMX ramp or half-pipe, building a tree house or tire swing, or throwing together a slip-and-slide or tie-dye station for an afternoon of fun. With plenty of color photographs, easy-to-follow instructions, and detailed illustrations, Handy Dad is chock-full of creative and inexpensive ways to keep kids (and dads) entertained for hours. ... Read more

Reviews

The perfect antidote to a world oversaturated with television and video games, July 8, 2010
Handy Dad: 25 Awesome Projects for Dads and Kids is a user-friendly compendium of construction projects that dads (or moms, uncles/aunts, grandparents, or anyone else!) can create to promote quality playtime activities with children. From a backyard rope swing, to a bird feeder, a tree house, a half-pipe, or even a tie-dye shirt, the ideas range from toys that promote physical activity to delightful personal keepsakes. (Not all of the projects involve woodworking, although many do.) Older children can even participate in the joy of building something with one's own hands, under close supervision of course. Each project listing spells out the needed tools and materials and where to find them, along with step-by-step instructions. Full color photographs illustrate this wonderful guide to tapping into one's creativity to spend quality time with children. The perfect antidote to a world oversaturated with television and video games, Handy Dad is highly recommended.

Good for older kids- maybe 5 and up, August 7, 2010
This is a detailed book! I guess I was expecting a picture book with IDEAS about things to do with kids. It's instructions, step-by-step, page by page for completing the projects. It's a good resource to keep around for the coming years. Our kids are 2 and 10 months, and most of the ideas are aimed at older kids, so I think it will get used more later.

Great Dad Gift!, July 31, 2010
Like others, I gave this to my husband for Father's Day. There are many projects ranging from simple to nearly expert. We are in the 'novice' category right now. My husband is just mastering the art of power tools and simple carpentry. (He is a computer geek!)

This book gives simple, direct instructions for lots of fun things to do with your kids. I recommend it for any loose ended weekends!

Fun for all ages, July 19, 2010
I bought this book for my husband and 6-year old son. They found 4 or 5 projects they could reasonably do together without too much cost or time. It will also come in handy for some of the school science projects this year!

Great gift for fathers day, July 18, 2010
Gave this to my son for fathers day. He was intrigued and was definetly going to try out some of the ideas with his 2 boys.

Good Book - Bad Title, November 28, 2010
I wish that I had this book when my kids were young. There are a lot of projects that I would have loved to worked on. My four girls and I would have had lot of fun making the projects. My eldest would have loved to have made her own skateboard, and she did help a friend make a skateboard ramp in his back yard - some 15 years ago.

My only complaint is the title. The title of the book is rather sexist. My husband would not have touched this book. (I'm the one who fixes the recliner.) ... Read more

Editorial Review

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are 'walking on eggshells' to avoid the next confrontation?

If the answer is 'yes,' someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life.

This compassionate guide will enable you to:
• Make sense out of the chaos
• Stand up for yourself and assert your needs
• Defuse arguments and conflicts
• Protect yourself and others from violent behavior

Reviews

A SINGULAR, INDISPENSABLE, LIFE-SAVING CONTRIBUTION ON BPD, August 24, 1998
I don't know how Randi Kreger and Paul Mason did it, but they have made a singular contribution to the world with their web site and with the publication of this life-saving book. Please allow me to post this from the book for anyone looking for help in or out of a bad situation right now:

Predictable Stages: People who love someone with BPD seem to go through similar stages. The longer the relationship has lasted, the longer each stage seems to take. Although these are listed in the general order in which people go through them, most people move back and forth among different stages.

Confusion Stage. This generally occurs before a diagnosis of BPD is known. Non-BPs struggle to understand why borderlines sometimes behave in ways that seem to make no sense. They look for solutions that seem elusive, blame themselves, or resign themselves to living in chaos. Even after learning about BPD, it can take non-BPs weeks or months to really comprehend on an intellectual level how the BP is personally affected by this complex disorder. It can take even longer to absorb the information on an emotional level.

Outer-Directed Stage. In this stage, non-borderlines turn their attention toward the person with the disorder, urging them to seek professional help, attemping to get them to change, and trying their best not to trigger problematic behavior. People at this stage usually learn all they can about BPD in an effort to understand and empathize with the person they care about. It can take nopn-BPs a long time to acknowledge feelings of anger and grief--especially when the BP is a parent or child. Anger is an extremely common reaction, even though most non-BPs understand on an intellectual level that BPD is not the borderline's fault. Yet because anger seems to be an inappropriate response to a situation that may be beyond the borderline's control, non-BPs often suppress their anger and instead experience depression, hopelessness, and guilt. The chief tasks for non-BPs in this stage include acknowledging and dealing with their own emotions, letting BPs take responsibility for their own actions, and giving up the fantasy that the BP will behave as the non-BP would like them to.

Inner-Directed Stage. Eventually, non-BPs look inward and conduct an honest apparaisal of themselves. It takes two people to have a relationship, and the goal for non-BPs in this stage is to better understand their role in making the relationship what it now is. The objective here is not self-recrimination, but insight and self-discovery.

Decision-Making Stage. Armed with knowledge and insight, non-BPs struggle to make decisions about the relationship. This stage can often take months or years. Non-BPs in this stage need to clearly understand their own values, beliefs, expectations, and assumptions. For example, one man with a physically violent borderline wife came from a conservative family that strongly disapprove of divorce. His friends counseled him to separate from her, but he felt unable to do so because of his concern about how his family would react. You may find that your beliefs and values have served you well throughout your life. Or you may find that you inherited them from your family without determining whether or not they truly reflect who you are. Either way, it is important to be guided by your OWN values--not someone else's.

Resolution Phase. In this final stage, non-BPs implement their decisions and live with them. Depending upon the type of relationship, some non-BPs may, over time, change their minds many times and try different alternatives.

And:

....When it comes to chosen relationships, we found that the BP's willingness to admit they had a problem and seek help was by far the determining factor as to whether the couple stayed together or not....

If you are looking at this right now, know that you are not alone. There are countless others who understand all you have been through for nothing. Get on the non-BP mailing list at Randi Kreger's site and buy this book NOW. It can and will save your life, whatever you decide.

A brilliant analysis of a tragic disorder, August 12, 2001
Paul T. Mason, M.S., C.P.C., is a program manager of Child/Adolescent Services at St. Luke's Hospital and a psychotherapist in private practice at Psychiatric Services in Racine, Wisconsin. His research on borderline personality disorder ("BPD") has appeared in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, and he teaches seminars for mental health professionals on the effects of BPD on partners and family members.

Randi Kreger is a professional writer and an executive in public relations and marketing. She has collected more than 1,000 stories detailing the devastating experiences of people in close relationship with persons suffering from BPD ("BP's"). Kreger moderates two e-mail discussion groups for friends and family of BP's on her comprehensive Web site about BPD: [....]

Mason and Kreger's carefully written, highly readable book provides a brilliant analysis of a disorder that wreaks enormous havoc. In addition to clarifying what BPD is, they provide crucial survival techniques for those who wish to stay in relationship with the BP's they love.

There are extensive references and a list of recommended resources in this 258-page book as well as appendices on the following subjects: coping suggestions for clinicians, tips for BP's who have other BP's in their lives, a summary of causes and treatment of BPD. The topics covered in the main body of the book include: (1) understanding BPD behavior; (2) keeping control of your life while in close association with a BP; (3) resolving special issues, including raising a BP child, distortion campaigns of the BP against you, making decisions about continuing your relationship with the adult BP in your life.

The authors state that the central irony of BPD is that "people who suffer from it desperately want closeness and intimacy, but the things they do to get it often drive people away from them." Their needs are extremely difficult to meet, because they are so turbulent and irrational.

In a profoundly important departure from the militant-environmentalism stance that has engulfed the mental-health establishment for decades, the authors freely admit the existence of children with BPD. In the Freudian tradition, most psychiatrists continue to believe that BPD is caused entirely by poor mothering, with the damage only showing up in adulthood after the destructive childhood has ended. The real truth is, however, that BPD can occur very early in life, and in the most nurturing of families, both of which indicate there is a strong genetic component to this disorder. This vital insight on childhood BPD will bring great comfort to besieged mothers of BP children who are unfairly shamed and stigmatized by mental-health and educational personnel as the "cause" of their child's condition.

I believe this book should be required reading for every psychological and psychiatric training program in the country. It will also bring enormous insight, comfort and encouragement to the friends and families of BP's everywhere.

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When..., September 7, 2000
This book brings humane understanding to the often perjorative term Borderline Personality Disorder and brings the reader to deeper understanding of those who suffer from this disorder, letting the sufferers of this illness be known as persons with damaged internal vulnerability that often can't be articulated, just acted out or in by the individual. What sets this book far above many books on BPD is the research the authors did utilizing the non-local reaches of the internet to quiz a number of persons in BPD self-help groups and also the self-help group(s) of persons who love and cope with those who have BPD. The comprehensiveness of this book is wide, indeed, in scope and what is profoundly interesting are the specific insights BP persons and those who love and care for them give which take you deep into the personal experience, agonies and challenges of coping with behaviors of this often misunderstood mental illness. The book also includes techniques for those who must deal with the rages and unpredictability of the PB person. One key piece of advice is to stop being a sponge for the feeling states that those with BP project onto those nearest them. Easily understood directions are listed on how to mirror the BP, hold to limits in a respectful, yet firm way, and to support the BP getting the help they need for the book strongly addresses the concept that ultimately those with BPD are responsible for their behavior. The authors give the reader interesting and useable scripts, provocative personal comments that make the reader deeply reflect on the agony of the BP's mental states and clearly details step-by-step what to do if you are the spouse, child or parent of a loved one with BPD. Wonderful resources are also listed to obtain help or more knowledge about this mental disease of BPD that many feel is untreatable, abelief which the authors of this book definitely do not agree with. An excellent and informative read and a must-have for a clinician's library.

Excellent resource for those wanting to learn more about BPD, December 8, 1998
One of the scariest things to happen to someone is to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder... or to have one of your loved ones diagnosed with BPD. There are many resources that explain what BPD is but they offer little help when it comes to dealing with this disorder in everyday life. Stop Walking on Eggshells not only explains the disorder in clear and simple language but it also offers ways for non-Borderline people to deal with the BPs in their life. And yet, this book is not exclusively for non-Borderline people. As a BP, I found the book to be very educational and sometimes shocking. I learned how my behavior affects others around me. It made me more aware of what non-BPs are thinking and feeling and encouraged me in my desire to change my behaviors through cognitive efforts. The authors are both sensitive to the needs of the Borderline Personality and the non-BPs by using realistic and non-accusatory language. Their goal is to help people deal with this sometimes unexplainable psychological disorder. They do not try to offer solutions but rather focus on different techniques that can be of great aid to non-BPs and Borderline Personalities alike. I recommend this book to anyone who has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, has a friend or family member with the disorder, or is planning on/works in a field where contact with people is a must.

Like a Stab in the Heart, October 18, 2004
This book does provide useful information identifying traits, symptoms and behaviour of the BPD person and this is useful in understanding why they are behaving the way they do. If you are close to a BPD person it is worthwhile discovering that you are not going crazy for finding the ridiculous dramas and scenarios with the BPD confusing and distressing.

Despite this, I found sections of the book hurtful and demoralising. How much more do the loved ones have to be told they should adapt even more to the BPD's behaviour, and that "understanding" them is enough to make it OK, that learning and perfecting the art of "not taking it personally" is going to make life a lot easier. These things do cause a slight improvement but the emphasis placed on them is in denial of the seriousness of the effects of the BPD behaviour, and the intensity and energy and power the BPD person puts into pursuing his/her twisted agenda. What is worse is the tendency of some therapists and authors to focus on the Borderline being accepted (for extremely unacceptable behaviour) and placing unfair expectations on their significant others as a way of empowering them (the BPD).

The author of the review "Save Your Money & Your Mind put it so well - [...... Instead, it asked Borderlines what they thought non-BPD's should do in the face of the Borderlines inappropriate, inexplicable rages. Be good now and don't upset the Borderline, who can't help it. The Borderline's world is painful (as if everyone around the Borderline doesn't routinely pay the price for that), so try to understand. No, the Borderline doesn't need to understand, because Borderlines are like children and can't be expected to behave in any kind of responsible way. It's about their survival, so deal with it. If you suffer because of a Borderline's actions, you will suffer more from the underlying message of this book: a Borderline is in pain, so whatever he/she does must be understood and on some level (or all levels) excused. Borderline behavior (manipulation, lying, pitting people against one another, suicidal gestures, unpredictable, intense rages, etc.) is abusive and destructive to everyone around him/her. The fact that the people around him/her are expected to put up with it because it's motivated by fear or shame only speaks to the amazing ability of the Borderline to turn the tables and make a situation sound like something it's not. You do not ask someone with Anti-social Personality Disorder how you can avoid provoking his anger. It's understood that the problem is with him, not you. Why is this not clear with BPD? ....]

As if the loved ones of BPD's aren't already doing everything they can humanly think of to accomodate and please the BPD! Most people who are partnering a Borderline sufferer have already worked out, for survival purposes, every possible way of avoiding triggering their worst behaviour. Adapting, keeping quiet about serious problems, pretending to accept distorted views of reality to avoid arguments, letting things go of great concern and never being able to discuss them, the list goes on, you become an expert in not provoking to the point your own reality becomes distorted and "you" becomes buried, and then you find a book that tells you do to do more of this and asks the BPD person to prescribe your ideal behaviour, so they don't feel so bad! I spent years with my BPD partner trying to see his twisted side of everything, and take into account and keep up with feelings he had about certain things that changed daily or even hourly. This has to stop - as with any other dysfunctional behaviour that involves abuse (either psychological, emotional, verbal or physical) the perpetrator, no matter what the reason for his/her behaviour, has to start taking total responsibility for the behaviour. The therapists have to start working out how to achieve this with their patients, without others having to twist themselves into knots to adapt to the inappropriate behaviour of the BPD not changing. It's time therapists and authors stop believing and falling for the BPD's obsession with discrediting their partner. You can tie yourself in knots to ensure you don't upset a BPD, and they will still find something to twist onto you in order to justify an oncoming rage or tirade, or drawn out session of twisted ramblings and accusations. Even if you have behaved impeccably close to perfection in terms of what they have indicated they require, if the urge to rage or painful feelings overtake them they will just invent something in order to shift blame onto you. You can be accused of not giving any credence to the BPD's feelings, which are so important, even though they don't know what they are from one minute to the next. Where is the therapist/author who doesn't buy into this and focuses only on what the patient should do? The fact that it is so hard to treat the BPD should not mean that more and more onus is placed on those close to them - this approach has gone too far to the point where it has become a case of expecting the loved ones to behave dysfunctionally so that the BPD feels better and happier and their reality is more accepted.

I wish I had had this book years ago, May 11, 2002
I was in the midst of a divorce from a man our marriage counselor had said had bipolar disorder when I discovered this book. I literally had a physical reaction of relief flooding through me as I read page after page describing elements of my husband's behavior that had concerned me for years: the need to live in chaos; the deification or demonization of the people in his life; the unpredicability of what would set off his anger next; and all the anger and criticism directed at me, even as he told me several times a day that he loved me. More important, it contains very useful information about what I can do to make our relationship less hellish. We have small children, so divorced or not, we in each other's lives for a long time. This book helped me to understand my now-ex better; it reminded me that his anger and threats cover a lot of pain. At the same time, it gave me clear guidelines about what I needed to do to protect myself. I had to acknowledge my own failure to set boundaries, which is crucial with dealing with this kind of problem.

The description of how a person with BPD deals with divorce was so dead-on, I joked that they had stolen it from my life.

I had come to hate and fear my ex-husband. I feared that, even after our divorce, he would continue to bully and threaten me. This book is helping me to establish a workable relationship with him.

There Really Is A Light In The Forest!, March 16, 2000
After working with hundreds of borderlines in mental health settings and in the everyday world, I, as a psychiatric social worker, had read most of the recognized works on BDP. Most were academic or treatment oriented; they did not offer relief for the lay person who has a borderline loved one in their life. This book stands head and shoulders above the rest. It is easy to read for clinicians and non-clincians alike. It is objective and gives nonjudgemental information to the borderline and to the non-borderline. Here's hoping that clinicans will be more willing "to hang in" with the borderline for the long-term after reading this book. I'm recommending this as "must" reading to other mental health practioners.

This book scared the h*ll out of me - you should read it too!, February 3, 2007
I bought this book after learning from a counsellor that a significant person in my life was more than likely suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

It was not a pleasant read for me: The descriptions of the symptoms and issues others like me had to deal-with simply hit too close to home. I had a hard time sleeping if I read this book before going to bed.

Even so, it was something that I, and others facing persons in their life with this disorder, should read. I wish I had known a long time ago how to cope with the behaviors that those with BPD exhibit. Doing so would have saved alot of grief and pain for myself and those I love. In retrospect, I wish I had been able to apply the advice of Paul Mason and Randi Kreger to my own situation.

If you are living with someone who feels they must control every aspect of the world around them, who sees the world only in terms of "black" and "white" with no grey areas, and/or who uses rage and anger to dominate those around them, then you must read this book. Enough said?

I would also suggest searching the internet for sites devoted to this disease - there are several very good organizations devoted to helping people, like you and me, who are (or were) trapped in relationships with a BPD partner: they can help you overcome many or most of the issues you face.

From a recovering borderline, December 24, 2002
Quite honestly I haven't read the book, yet. I just ordered it. But I read enough comments about the book from people grasping for an answer that I felt compelled to write a nonreview and tell my story.

I was recently told by my therapist that I am a recovering BPD. I would fall in the category of high functioning. I'm not a wrist slasher and I've never faked an illness. But I was plagued by uncontrollable emotions. I have been in different forms of therapy for about 10 years. And I've also spent the same amount of time researching emotions and psychology. While none of the therapists told me I was BPD, I knew something was wrong. It seems they hide the diagnosis from you until you are in the recovery stage because the psyche of the borderline is so fragile the diagnosis of BPD would be more than they can handle.

There are many ways to fall into the borderline spiral but in my opinion there is only one door out -- developing control over one's emotions. Borderlines are essentially people whose emotions are out of control. It's like someone turned the volume up, left the room and took the controls with them. For me it was like living in an emotional hell.

I worked with two very talented therapists simultaneously. One was a neurofeedback therapist. The other was a regular talk therapist who specialized in EMDR and neurolinguistic programming. Neurofeedback is a new therapy that involves monitoring brainwaves and teaching people how to control their emotions by controlling their brainwaves. The EEG signal is read through the scalp into a computer which uses a fast fourier transform to decompose the signal into it's components of slow brain waves, focused brain waves and fast brain waves. See Jim Robbins book, Symphony in the Brain, for a complete history of neurofeedback.

For the emotionally out of control the temporal lobes are out of control. The right temporal lobe is where negative emotions originate. In my case my right temporal lobe was grossly overactivated. Through neurofeedback I learned to calm the temporal lobes and this calmed my emotions. After the first month of neurofeedback I felt noticeably calmer and more focused. I also noticed that the world around me seemed calmer. Things that would set me off crying or set me in a rage barely registered in my emotional circuits. And when I did get angry I was able to brush it off whereas before the feeling would run like a freight train out of control. After 20 sessions I was sleeping well and dreaming for the first time in years.

I also noticed that my anxiety and impulsive behaviours decreased. I felt like I had a few seconds to think about what I was going to say whereas before I would just blurt out what was on my mind ... and often offending people with my frankness.

I continue to do a few sessions of neurofeedback a month. I find that's it's a cumulative effect. And I like the way it feels. I like living in a calmer world.

The other thing that helped was seeing the traditional "talk" therapist during the process. My therapist taught me some "tricks" from a branch of psychology known as neurolinguistic programming. One trick was visualizing my favorite color as a circle on the ground ... and placing in the circle all the characteristics I wanted for myself ... emotional calmness, compassion, happiness .... stepping in the circle and drawing this color around myself as a protective bubble. It's a trick you play on your mind. It sounds goofy but it worked and helped me maintain the calm emotional demeanor in the face of all kinds of stresses.

Borderline personality disorder is a horrible, horrible mental illness. My heart goes out to anyone who has this disease.

For those facing the challenge of loving someone with BPD, March 6, 2002
This is a must read. I am Anthony Walker, author of The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study, a personal memoir of living with someone with BPD. Throughout my relationship I fumbled in a psychological darkness looking for answers in dealing with the difficult behaviors and situations. All the texts available at the time were heavy duty clinical texts and dealt with the condition itself. The book to help the loved ones and partners of the BPD person had not been written. This book is it. It sets out specific easy to understand guidelines, and is particularly strong with regard setting boundaries. Treatment requires not only treatment for the BPD but help for those who love them as well.

Well done Mason et al.

A. Walker, MD ... Read more

Editorial Review

Sisters are wonderful, and sisters are terrible.Depending on the day, the mood, the weather, or the time of day, a sister can be a companion, an adversary, an enemy, or a soulmate.But no matter what, a sister is always a best friend, and the combination of animal photos and quotes in this delightful gift book celebrate the unique duality of sisterhood. ... Read more

Reviews

Great Book!, October 1, 2007
I loved this book and ordered one for each of my 3 sister's for Christmas. The pictures of the animals are so sweet, and funny too! This book will definitly bring a smile to anyone's face, and warm their heart :0)

Wonderful gift!, December 26, 2007
I bought this for both of my sisters. They each cried and laughed over the images and captions. This book truly demonstrates the bonds between sisters. I highly recommend this to anyone who loves their sister and wants a fantastic way to show it! Wonderful book!

"Just Sisters", September 15, 2008
This is a precious book for sisters. The photos and quotes are magnificant. I read it every day. And when my sister and I have a problem, we quote from the book. Bonnie Kuchler did a beautiful job. My favorite is actually from an unknown. "A sister is one who will pick you up when you are down. If she cannot pick you up she will lie down beside you and listen". I'm so glad I could comment on this most beautiful book. Thank you.

Great Gift Idea!, February 22, 2008
Really great photos and sentiments on every page. Funny to read & fun to give.

Great fun and inspiration, February 9, 2008
This beautiful, inspiring little book is a perfect gift for a sister or a sister-like friend!

Makes a great gift for your sister., November 10, 2008
I purchased this for my sister's birthday.
I had to read it first and loved the photos
with the attached sentiments. This makes
a good gift from sister to sister.

Great way to express your self!, October 13, 2008
I bought this book for my sister to let her know how much she is appreciated. Since she lives far from me, I am hoping it will serve as a reminder. I added my own special notes to the quotes to add some additional laughs and tears. The quotes serve any sister well and remind us where we came from.

Touched my heart, September 29, 2008
I bought this book for my sister who is going through some tough times and it conveyed my love and support for her in words and pictures that were endearing and heartfelt.

My sister loved it, August 31, 2008
I gave this to my big sister. It was a wonderful way of saying I love you. She was very pleased with it

Perfect Gift Idea, January 11, 2008
This is a cute little book. The pictures of the animals are precious and the sayings are inspiring. I need to purchase more for my other sisters ;0). ... Read more

Editorial Review

Who has time to scrapbook? Not Mommy!

For the busy mom-on-the-go, this memory keeper offers a quick and easy way to capture the everyday moments of motherhood. With enough space to record a single thought, a family quote, or a special event each day for five years, this beautiful keepsake makes sure those precious memories will last a lifetime. ... Read more

Reviews

Simple way to record events in your child's life, June 17, 2010
Love it! This is a simple and convenient way to record day to day events. While I have the best intentions of recording my son's achievements and milestones, I have not always been able to manage these things. With this diary, you can record a few sentences daily to capture the most mundane of events or the firsts. Love it! ... Read more